IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful members of society. Others say it helps them to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, many believe pupils should be educated to become an asset to
society
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that academic learning is beneficial for their personal growth. In my opinion, both statements have their own benefits,
however
Linking Words
, it should be the individuals' decision to opt for their educational courses. On the one hand, it is believed by many that there is a huge demand for skilled trades
such
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 as healthcare, science and technology to fulfil the requirements of
society
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, and educational institutions should focus on more courses that are based on in-demand skills.
Moreover
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, having education in required fields not only prepares an individual to be a useful member of
society
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 enables them to get greater job opportunities which lead them to earn higher wages;
for instance
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, a study conducted in London found that 70% of people earn more as they work for social services
such
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 as doctors, nurses etc.
In contrast
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, there are some people out there who argue that students should learn to achieve their personal goals rather than focusing on what
society
Use synonyms
 wants. Education plays a pivotal role in shaping a person's future;
therefore
Linking Words
 it is essential to let that person decide what his career ambitions are. To exemplify, children—who get a chance to pursue their studies on the basis of their area of interest— tend to enhance their career development and ultimately earn satisfaction.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 people may vary in their views, I believe that educational learning is an essential part of children's lives, and it should be their decision if they want to serve
society
Use synonyms
 by choosing in-demand courses
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and science or if they want to focus on their personal goals.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on both sides of the argument to strengthen your points and provide a more balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the linking phrases between your paragraphs to create smoother transitions between ideas and improve flow.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument clearly and provided relevant examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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