IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the biggest problem facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigger challenges. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #vehicles #cities #challenges
These days, car increases are leading to enormous
problems
such
 as air
pollution
,
whereas
 there are even more pressing
problems
such
 as a lack of job opportunities, which can lead to other
issues
.     On one side, it's true that the increasing
number
 of cars is one of the biggest
issues
 in cities; it can lead to
pollution
 of the air and environment, and nowadays, the level of
pollution
 has increased dramatically compared to the past.
For example
, the research shows that in many countries,
such
 as India, Britain, and America, with a growing
number
 of vehicles, the rate of air
pollution
 increased to 80%. From
this
, there could appear to be more
problems
,
such
 as health
issues
 and unlimited traffic congestion.    On the other side, there are bigger
issues
 in the world,
such
 as a lack of job opportunities. In the
last
 year, with the development of AI, technological change, a decline in the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force, and geographical immobility, the
number
 of job opportunities has decreased. Leading to more unemployed people.
For instance
,in 2024, an extra two million workers are expected to be looking for jobs, raising global unemployment. It can lead to increased poverty among individuals and even crime.
Thus
, bigger challenges like
this
 are facing many cities.   In conclusion,
although
 the increasing
number
 of cars is one of the most significant
problems
 in the world, cities have more important and bigger
issues
,
such
 as the growing unemployment rate. I think that there are more major concerns in the world.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to provide more varied examples to support your arguments, further enhancing the discussion of each view.
Task Achievement
Develop your concluding paragraph further to provide a more comprehensive summary of your discussion and a clearer statement of your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smooth and logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next to improve readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider your essay's overall structure, ensuring each paragraph distinctly presents and supports one main idea.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear thesis statement and outlined both views effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made good use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: