IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that the increasing number of vehicles is one of the biggest problem facing cities, while others believe that cities have bigger challenges. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #vehicles #cities #challenges
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These days, car increases are leading to enormous
problems
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such
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 as air
pollution
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,
whereas
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 there are even more pressing
problems
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such
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 as a lack of job opportunities, which can lead to other
issues
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.     On one side, it's true that the increasing
number
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 of cars is one of the biggest
issues
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 in cities; it can lead to
pollution
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 of the air and environment, and nowadays, the level of
pollution
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 has increased dramatically compared to the past.
For example
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, the research shows that in many countries,
such
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 as India, Britain, and America, with a growing
number
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 of vehicles, the rate of air
pollution
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 increased to 80%. From
this
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, there could appear to be more
problems
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,
such
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 as health
issues
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 and unlimited traffic congestion.    On the other side, there are bigger
issues
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 in the world,
such
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 as a lack of job opportunities. In the
last
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 year, with the development of AI, technological change, a decline in the
labor
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labour
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 force, and geographical immobility, the
number
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 of job opportunities has decreased. Leading to more unemployed people.
For instance
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,in 2024, an extra two million workers are expected to be looking for jobs, raising global unemployment. It can lead to increased poverty among individuals and even crime.
Thus
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, bigger challenges like
this
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 are facing many cities.   In conclusion,
although
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 the increasing
number
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 of cars is one of the most significant
problems
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 in the world, cities have more important and bigger
issues
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,
such
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 as the growing unemployment rate. I think that there are more major concerns in the world.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Task Achievement
Try to provide more varied examples to support your arguments, further enhancing the discussion of each view.
Task Achievement
Develop your concluding paragraph further to provide a more comprehensive summary of your discussion and a clearer statement of your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smooth and logical flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next to improve readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider your essay's overall structure, ensuring each paragraph distinctly presents and supports one main idea.
Task Achievement
You presented a clear thesis statement and outlined both views effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You made good use of linking words to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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