IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other.

Some
people
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 suggest that
idividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 need to compete with each other in
Use synonyms
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
, at school, or in their daily life,
while
Linking Words
 others think that they should learn to
collaberate
Correct your spelling
collaborate
. I believe that
competition
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 plays a more important role in
people
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's lives as it teaches us various life
skills
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. On the one hand, critics contend that cooperation is the key to societal harmony. When
people
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 can collaborate with others in both personal and professional settings, that means that they are capable
for
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of
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 respecting others and accepting different viewpoints
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 can significantly boost cohesion in
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workplace
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the workplace
show examples
 or at school. Without
this
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 quality, arguments between
people
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 are triggered easily and lead to the
unstability
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instability
 of society.
For example
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, candidates who have cooperation
skills
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 are highly valued by employers in
professional
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the professional
show examples
Use synonyms
workplace
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workplaces
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 as these
people
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 interact and communicate with their coworkers efficiently, increasing not only the
conpany's
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company's
overall
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 productivity
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 harmony.
On the other hand
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, I believe that
competition
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help
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helps
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idividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 to learn various soft
skills
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 unattainable if everything
go
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goes
show examples
 smoothly. To be specific, when
people
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 are required to compete with their peers in
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workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 or schools , they will not only gain motivation to win but
also
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 be resilient when facing difficult obstacles.
Moreover
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, throughout the process of
competition
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, they need to be
self-descplined
Correct your spelling
self-disciplined
 and well-organized when encountering confrontations, and the trial allows
idividuals
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individuals
 to obtain the
chances
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chance
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 to polish these soft
skills
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, leading to personal growth.
For example
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, students who have experience
of
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with
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competition
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 are more confident, perseverant, and can always overcome challenges successfully. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some might argue that cooperation can make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society cohesive and inclusive, I believe that only with
competition
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 can individuals learn the importance of resilience and self-control, contributing to their
overall
Linking Words
 personal improvement.

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language error
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'idividual' instead of 'individual', 'collaberate' instead of 'collaborate', and 'unstability' instead of 'instability'. These small errors can distract from the overall quality of your essay.
structural enhancement
Consider expanding your introduction to briefly outline your main points. This will improve clarity and help the reader understand your argument better from the start.
depth of argument
It would be helpful to directly address both sides of the argument, even if you choose to primarily support one. This can demonstrate an understanding of the complexity of the issue and enhance the depth of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position regarding the importance of competition, which is essential for a strong task response.
supporting ideas
The examples you provided, such as the employers valuing cooperation skills and the benefits of competition in learning resilience, effectively support your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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