IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a lot of people have a problem with their sleep which is not enough. This essay shows us what causes people can not to sleep and what people can do regarding lack of sleep. I think people have to reduce the stress which comes from their work or their family life.

Nowadays, a lot of
people
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 have a problem with their sleep which is not enough.
This
Linking Words
 essay shows us what causes
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
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not to sleep and what
people
Use synonyms
 can do regarding lack of sleep. I think
people
Use synonyms
 have to reduce the stress which comes from their work or their family life. First of all, one of the biggest problems why
people
Use synonyms
 can not properly sleep is stress which comes from their work because they have to be proactive and productive in their work. So
fi
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 they are not proactive and productive, they can be fired by employers. Another problem can be a problem within a family which is 100% effective in their sleep.
For example
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, some
people
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 can not sleep because they do not earn a lot of money, so they are under
the
Correct article usage
apply
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huge stress if they have a budget to buy something for their family members.
Secondly
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, the first thing
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to do is
people
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 have to reduce negative problems which are effective of their sleep and be positive.
People
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 have to lack
of
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apply
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all negativism in their lives and
also
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 be among positive
people
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.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 have to start spending more
time
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 with their family,
such
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 as short daily trips or spending
time
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 together somewhere in the outback.
Also
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,
people
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 could realise which priorities are more important than others.
For instance
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,
people
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 can spend their free
time
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 somewhere where there is no internet connection so they will be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
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 on their real family than imagine friends who are
in
Change preposition
on
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 the internet,
such
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 as Facebook. In conclusion, I truly understand why many
people
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 have difficulties getting enough sleep.
However
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, human has to sleep because during
on
Change preposition
apply
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this
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 particular
time
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, the body recovers
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 power and stamina after the whole day.
Moreover
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, they have to reduce negativism and increase positivism in their life.

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear attempt to address the topic, but some ideas need more development. Try to expand on your points with additional explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more clearly. This will help improve the flow of your essay and make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of grammar and sentence structure. There are several inaccuracies that can detract from the overall clarity of your writing. Proofreading can help catch these errors.
Task Achievement
You have an engaging introduction and a clear thesis statement outlining the main points of your essay.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents relevant points about stress and its impact on sleep, showing an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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