IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Studies show that many criminals have a low level of education. For this reason, people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate people in prison so they can know when they leave prison. Do you agree or disagree?

Most criminals around the globe are less educated than civilians. And
people
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 think that the solution to limiting crime is by educating prisoners
while
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 they are facing time in
prison
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. I disagree with
this
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 statement, In
this
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 essay, I will analyse the situation. There are many factors contributing to crimes, And it is not only because the convicted is uneducated. One of which,
that
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is that
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 many
people
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 face time in
prison
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 because they are in debt and that has nothing to do with knowledge. Others with bachelor's degrees are convicted
for
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of
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 sexual harassment and assault. Many prisoners are in
prison
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 because they dealt with the wrong
people
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 who have strong leverage and connections in the world and for their bad luck are now charged with false claims. Steps should be taken to tackle
this
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 problem, And there is no denying that a low level of education can put
people
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 in
prison
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. But it is not the main issue.
People
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 are pure in nature and their upbringing is what influences their actions, Even if
people
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 struggle in life and there is no justice for unprivileged communities they could end up stealing or participating in crimes just to make a decent living for their children and in that case, it's an issue with the laws not with
low
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a low
the low
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 level of knowledge. In conclusion, There is injustice in a lot of parts of the world and it has to be dealt with before accusing
people
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 of being uneducated. Because
that is
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 not what makes them criminals.

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task achievement
Make sure to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could provide statistics or studies that illustrate the link between education and crime rates.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving the flow of your ideas to enhance coherence. Use transition words and phrases to connect your thoughts more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper punctuation and capitalization throughout your essay, as this can distract readers from your message.
content
You present a clear opinion on the topic, making it easy for readers to understand your stance.
content
Your essay addresses the complexity of crime, acknowledging that factors beyond education contribute to criminal behavior.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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