IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Providing children with a phone from an early stage is a great way to teach them how technology works and can be helpful in the long run. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Providing
children
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 with a phone from an early stage is a great way to teach them how technology works and can be helpful in the long run. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
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 opinion? Nowadays
children
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 use phones and
technologic
Replace the word
technological
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 devices
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their birth. It is claimed that it may be useful in the long-term because
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
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to
Correct pronoun usage
us to
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 understand earlier how to use them. In my opinion, the excessive utilisation of
cellphone
Fix the agreement mistake
cellphones
show examples
 could have
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
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 effect on the
overall
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 development of
children
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, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
screen-time
Correct your spelling
screen time
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 should be limited to activities with educational
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
Screen
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media
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 can have both beneficial and detrimental effects on a kid's cognitive results. Some argue that
media
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 devices have the potential to improve education and learning.
For instance
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the
Wolrd
Correct your spelling
World
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 Health Organisation has suggested that electronic books and learning-to-read applications may improve young
children
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's early reading skills and creative thinking capacities.
Moreover
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, as a digital native, it is important that kids familiarise with phones, which are essential tools in the digital era.
However
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, earlier exposure to
Use synonyms
screen
Fix the agreement mistake
screens
show examples
 may lead to cognitive delays, linguistic problems and academic difficulties. In fact, a Spanish research study discovered a negative correlation between the use of
screen
Use synonyms
media
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 and academic achievement, indicating that increased
screen
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 time was associated with lower academic performance.
Similarly
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, a study conducted in the United States found a significant link between higher levels of
media
Use synonyms
 multitasking and lower scores on standardised tests measuring academic performance in mathematics and English. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there is evidence that technological devices can be useful in developing learning skills,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessive utilisation may be harmful over
years
Correct article usage
the years
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 and the negative effects
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the positive
one’s
Change noun form
ones
show examples
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly reflects your position on the topic more explicitly. For example, state whether you fully agree, partially agree, or disagree within the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied connectors and transition phrases to enhance the flow of your arguments between paragraphs and ideas, which will make your writing more cohesive.
coherence and cohesion
In your conclusion, avoid introducing new ideas; instead, summarize your main points and restate your position clearly. You might also consider a more definitive closing statement.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view of the topic, acknowledging both the potential benefits and drawbacks of early phone usage.
task achievement
Your use of examples from research studies adds credibility to your arguments, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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