IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think schools should teach students to form good behaviour in addition to providing formal education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no
deny
Change the form of the verb
denying
show examples
 that
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 sector is playing
fundamental
Add an article
a fundamental
show examples
 role in human life.
Linking Words
Whereas many
Correct word choice
Many
show examples
 people have different
outlook
Fix the agreement mistake
outlooks
show examples
 regarding that institutions must guide pupils about good manners and other courses as well. I
am
Verb problem
apply
show examples
totally
agreed
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate some points in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people have been believing that some subjects like math, science, physics and many more should be mandatory in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 zone because these courses not only develop thinking
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 make
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 future for students. To elaborate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, many
earns
Correct subject-verb agreement
earn
show examples
 are good in physics and math subjects,
as well as
Linking Words
 they can get master’s
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 in
these field
Change the determiner
this field
these fields
show examples
 to become
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
professor
Fix the agreement mistake
professors
show examples
 in their career.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey
had been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 conducted by
Correct article usage
the united
show examples
united states
Correct your spelling
United States
show examples
 in 2010 and revealed that 50% of learners, who had completed their higher graduation in math, chose
teaching
Correct article usage
a teaching
show examples
 pathway. On the
ither
Correct your spelling
other
 hand, schools are students’ second
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 where she or he could gain ethical values and good
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. To explain that, during
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 period, children communicate with their
classmate
Fix the agreement mistake
classmates
show examples
 and
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 in institutions
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is why teachers guide them
effective
Change preposition
in effective
show examples
 communication skills and basic moral values like how to talk with family members
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 society people.
In addition
Linking Words
, by learning basic manners and good behaviour, pupils can build strong
bounding
Correct your spelling
bonding
show examples
 with
another person
Fix the agreement mistake
other people
show examples
. In conclusion, to become
success
Replace the word
a successful
show examples
 person,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 must absorb respectful manners and behaviour skills, and they should obtain knowledge in
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
 sector. I am accepting,
these
Correct word choice
that these
show examples
 both things are connected with each other so
Add an article
the school
show examples
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 must teach basic
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
 and academic subjects.

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language
Your introduction clearly states your position, but try to refine the wording for clarity. Instead of 'There is no deny,' you might say 'There is no denying that the education sector plays a fundamental role in human life.'
language
Ensure consistency in verb tense throughout your essay. For instance, 'people have been believing' can be simplified to 'people believe.'
organization
Work on the organization of your paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that supporting details relate closely to this idea. This will strengthen your overall coherence.
content
Expand on your ideas with more comprehensive examples. For instance, in the second point, elaborate on what 'strong bounding' means and how these skills benefit students in later life.
argument
You presented a clear position agreeing with the statement that schools should teach good behavior along with academic subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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