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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain. The table shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed.
The table illustrates where the police
budget
Use synonyms
 came from,
while
Linking Words
 the pie charts show the
budget
Use synonyms
 allocation in 2017 and 2018 in one area of Britain.
Overall
Linking Words
, the police
budget
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were mainly came
Change the verb form
mainly came
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 from the national government in both years,
while
Linking Words
 the total
budget
Use synonyms
 had increased. Meanwhile, most
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on salaries for officers and staff. Regarding the table, in 2017, the national government invested 175.5
million
Use synonyms
 in
police
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the police
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budget
Use synonyms
, making it the largest financial source. The figures rose slightly to 177.8
million
Use synonyms
 in 2018.
Addtionally
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Additionally
,
money
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originated
Wrong verb form
originating
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 from local taxes
also
Linking Words
 increased from 91.2
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017 to 102.3
million
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 in the next year.
Money
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 from other sources including grants only grew slightly from 38
million
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 to 38.5
million
Use synonyms
. As for the
budget
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 allocation, in 2017,
money
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 was mainly distributed to salaries for officers and staff at 75%, which was more than five times higher than those for buildings and transport at 17%. The investment
on
Change preposition
in
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 technology only accounted for the least at 8%. In 2018, the proportion of buildings and transport remained the same at 17%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of salaries dropped to 69% and that of technology rose to 14%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, money, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • budget allocation
  • funding sources
  • government policies
  • economic conditions
  • community services
  • crime prevention
  • public safety
  • significant increase/decrease
  • distribution
  • assessment
  • reflection
  • allocation shifts
  • budget comparison
  • impact analysis
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