IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, people many no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash, all payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this well happen in one day Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Recently, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that in the future, digital payments will be increasingly popular and replace all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cash
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 payments.
While
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 it is possible that one day all transactions will be completely
cashless
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, there is no denying that
cash
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 will still be used in certain areas.
Use synonyms
Cashless
Correct article usage
A cashless
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 society can improve efficiency and reduce the time spent
for
Change preposition
on
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a
Remove the article
apply
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payment
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 in
certain
Add an article
a certain
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 shop, as there's no change needed.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 can be considered
as
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apply
show examples
a safer option, since
people
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 don't need to carry huge
amount
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amounts
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 of money
everyday
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every day
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, resulting in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lower risk of pickpocketing.
For instance
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, in
Indonesia
Add a comma
Indonesia,
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 there is a Quick Response Code Indonesian Standard (QRIS), where all shops can easily register their business to have
this
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 code as one of their
payment
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 methods, and it allows their buyers to
quicky
Correct your spelling
quickly
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 pay by any
banks
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bank
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 or wallets they have owned.
Furthermore
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, it reduces the transaction fees and taxes by VISA and
mastercard
Correct your spelling
MasterCard
Mastercard
.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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, especially those who come from underdeveloped areas, might find it difficult to fully shift from
cash
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 to
cashless
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payment
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. Some regions
has
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have
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 slow
network
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networks
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, so it definitely would take a longer time to process the digital
payment
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.
Additionally
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,
this
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 will exclude those with limited access to technology,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elder
people
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.
Besides
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, there is a possibility of massive job losses as the impact of the change in
payment
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behavior
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behaviour
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.
As a result
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, cashier
staffs
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staff
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 and bank
teller
Fix the agreement mistake
tellers
show examples
 will be laid off because of the system takeover. In conclusion,
although
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern society is clearly moving to more
cashless
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 payments,
i
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I
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 believe that
cash
Use synonyms
 will still be needed, particularly for those who are not able to use digital methods.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow of your arguments by using more transition phrases to connect ideas.
task achievement
In your introduction, consider rephrasing your opinion statement to make it clearer and more assertive.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, you could include more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of a cashless society.
task achievement
Your examples, particularly the mention of QRIS in Indonesia, effectively illustrated your point about digital payments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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