IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016. Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charity

The pie charts show the amount of pay and expenditures in 2016 for a children’s charity in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that donated food accounted for the majority of the compensation,
while
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 program services accounted for the most expenditure. Total revenue sources just exceeded outgoings. In detail, donated food provided most of the revenue for the charity, at 86%.
Similarly
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, with regard to expenditures, one category, program services, accounted for nearly all of the outgoings, at 95.8%. The other categories were much smaller. Community contributions, which were the second largest fund source, brought in 10.4% of
overall
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earnings
Use synonyms
, and
this
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 was followed by program gain, at 2.2%. Investment
earnings
Use synonyms
, government grants, and other
earnings
Use synonyms
 were very small sources of interest, accounting for only 0.8% combined. There were only two other expenditure items, fundraising and management and general, accounting for 2.6% and 1.6% respectively. The total amount of
earnings
Use synonyms
 was $53,561,580, which was just enough to cover the expenditures of $53,224,896.

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task response
Consider refining your introduction to clearly state the main trends or highlights you intend to discuss in the body of the essay.
task response
Ensure that all points are directly referenced back to the data provided by the charts to enhance clarity and strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Work on smoother transitions between your points to improve the flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that your conclusion summarizes all the key points made, reiterating the main findings in a succinct manner.
task achievement
You accurately highlighted the key sources of revenue and expenditure, providing a clear overview of the charity's financial situation.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your analysis.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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