IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that sports is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 21st century,
doibg
Correct your spelling
doing
 physical activities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become very essential part of
human
Correct article usage
a human
show examples
 being's life. Few folks think that playing games should be
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 students in their school life.
Whereas
Linking Words
, some believe that it should be
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
optional
Replace the word
option
show examples
 in schools. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both sides
as well as
Linking Words
 I will share my opinion. On the one hand, in school life kids have
fresh
Correct article usage
a fresh
show examples
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
along with
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they can make decisions
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
 what they want to do in future. To elaborate,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing different types of
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as football, hockey and basketball can help kids to make their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 and body fit. They can choose one particular game in which they have more interest. By doing
this
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, they can get opportunities to participate at
state
Correct article usage
the state
show examples
 and national level for their country.
For example
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, many popular sportsmen from India
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have built their interest in
sports
Use synonyms
 since their childhood.
On the other hand
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, some children have
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 interest in doing physical activities
as well as
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 they don't want to study. So, they start
mising
Correct your spelling
missing
 their classes by giving their
easin
Correct your spelling
reason
 that they want to participate in games.
However
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, originally they are making everybody foul and
this
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 results
failure
Change preposition
in failure
show examples
 in exams.
This
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 can affect their future.
For instance
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, in some
schools
Add a comma
schools,
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 are not allowed every individual
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to attend lectures as they have no reason to miss their academics. In conclusion, I believe that
sports
Use synonyms
 should be allowed in schools as it
hep
Correct your spelling
help
show examples
 students to choose
theit
Correct your spelling
their
 future in games. Not only
this
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,
sports
Use synonyms
 keep their mind relaxed and
streesfree
Correct your spelling
stress-free
.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly outline your main points in the introduction and ensure they align with the discussion in the body of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration to support your arguments. This will enhance the clarity and strength of your points.
language accuracy
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos; using spell-check or proofreading can help improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic of discussion and your intent to provide an opinion, which is a good start.
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