IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many young children are spending large amount of time in front of screens. What are the causes of this and what other problems does it lead to?

It is an undeniable fact that in today's world, more youngsters like to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time in front of screens
such
Linking Words
 as televisions, tablets, and mobile phones. There are several reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a situation and some circumstances which
has been
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 resulted
due to
Linking Words
 the issue of
this
Linking Words
 problem.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain both
further
Linking Words
. The major reason for
this
Linking Words
 issue is the easy access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 technology. To explain, most of the parents who are busy with their work or household chores,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give screens to the children to keep them quiet.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many online games and videos are specially made for the young generation which keeps them hooked for
long-year
Correct your spelling
long
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 hours. Another reason is that parents are often worried about their child's safety because
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
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 many cities, children do not have safe or open
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
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 to play environment.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, spending too much time in front of
screen
Correct article usage
a screen
show examples
 causes a lot of problems.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it badly affects
on
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apply
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kids' physical health. To elaborate, they may gain weight
due to
Linking Words
 lack of exercise or develop eye problems.
For example
Linking Words
, as per the report of
World
Correct article usage
the World
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 Health Organization (WHO), in the whole world, 100 out of 70%
minors
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of minors
show examples
 are facing different problems like obesity and eye disorders.

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task achievement
Try to provide a more comprehensive range of examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your argument and provide a clearer response to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on one main idea to improve logical structure and coherence. You could also include a conclusion summarizing your main points.
content
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the issues and indicating that both causes and effects will be explored.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • digital devices
  • interactive content
  • remote learning
  • social interaction
  • engagement
  • convenience
  • traditional playtime
  • screen dependency
  • educational purposes
  • video games
  • streaming services
  • captivate
  • shift in daily routines
  • peer connection
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