IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, whle others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Although
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 making
mistakes
Use synonyms
 is a part of our life, sometimes it
is happening
Wrong verb form
happens
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 intentionally,
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however
Correct word choice
and
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 sometimes unintentionally.
While
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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groups of individuals are inclined to think that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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 no restrictions on
make
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making
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mistakes
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 for adolescents.
However
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, others
are of
Verb problem
apply
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the are of the view that parents should stop their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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to make
Change preposition
from making
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error
Fix the agreement mistake
errors
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.
Therefore
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, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 will be discussed before giving my opinion. Examining the former view, the foremost argument put forward by the proponents is that blunder is the essential
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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 of learning, because if you make
error
Correct article usage
an error
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 next time you will take care of these things
on
Change preposition
apply
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next time.
For example
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, nowadays, schools and colleges
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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encourage
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 to do not think about making errors.
On the other hand
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, some argue that adults should guide
children
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 to avoid
mistakes
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, especially when those
mistakes
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 could lead to harmful outcomes.
Children
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,
due to
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 their limited life experience, might make decisions that are unsafe or have long-term negative effects.
For instance
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, a child may want to skip studying for exams, not realizing the impact on their academic progress. In
such
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 cases, adult intervention is necessary to ensure the child’s well-being and success.
Moreover
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, certain
mistakes
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, like engaging in risky
behavior
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behaviour
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 or unsafe internet use, require proactive adult supervision. In my opinion,
while
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 it is essential to protect
children
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 from serious harm, overprotection can hinder their growth. Adults should allow
children
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 to make small, manageable
mistakes
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 in a safe environment and provide support and guidance
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
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.
This
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 approach teaches accountability
while
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 ensuring safety. In conclusion, both freedom and protection are crucial in raising
children
Use synonyms
. Allowing them to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
 can foster independence, but adult supervision is vital when risks are high. A balanced approach that encourages learning through experience
while
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 safeguarding their well-being is most effective.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction provides a clear outline but could be more concise. Consider avoiding redundant phrases, and make sure it flows smoothly into the body of the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is well-supported with explanations or examples. Some ideas were mentioned but could have been expanded upon for a stronger argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use transition phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, making the essay easier to follow.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points discussed and conveys a balanced opinion.
task achievement
The essay presents both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • consequences
  • well-being
  • societal norms
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • intervention
  • role models
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
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