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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The charts below give information about the age of visitors from the UK to Spain in 1983 and in 2003. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
Contained in the two pie charts are data pertaining to the
age
Use synonyms
 of tourists who came from
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
travelled
Correct word choice
and travelled
show examples
 to Spain as reported in 1983 and in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that most of the UK visitors that went on travelling were from 35 to 54 years old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the 0-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the retiring
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 were likely to experience a moderate rise.
This
Linking Words
 analysis will begin with the proportion of tourists as reported in 1983. Regarding to 35-54
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, its fraction was the highest which exceeded the
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 groups, at 50% which was
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
half of the chart.Concerning
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, the percentage of it was slightly higher than that of
over
Correct article usage
the over
show examples
 55
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, at 20% and 16%, respectively. Concurrently,
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-15
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 was more than double
than
Correct word choice
that
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 16-24
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 , at 10% and 4%, respectively. Attention will now be moved
onto
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the remaining graph. With regards to people that were 35 to 54 years old, its percentage experienced a decline from 50% to 35% but still the highest fraction.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the proportion of visitors in the 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 bracket saw a decrease ,from 20% down to 12%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,for the 0-15, 16-24 and over 55
age
Use synonyms
 brackets, the figures of them increased, from 10% ,4% and 16% to 12%, 15% and 26%, respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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