IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that In a city, the best way to travel by car, while other people argue that bicycles are a better way of traveling in a city. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Whether to
travel
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 by
car
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 or by bicycle in urban areas become a debatable topic among
people
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. Both views have benefits and demerits.
However
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,
according to
Linking Words
me
Add a comma
me,
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cars
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial in
this
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 era. Travelling by
car
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save
Replace the word
saves
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time
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. When
people
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 are travelling by their private vehicles they can reach offices, schools and markets on
time
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 which is not possible in other modes of
travel
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.
Hence
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, they can save their
time
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, which they can utilise on other tasks.
For example
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,
People
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 who used to
travel
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 by
car
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, save their energy and
time
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 which they can spend on exercise and household chores.
Therefore
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,
cars
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 save hours and keep them away from tiredness.
On the other hand
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, bicycles reduce
pollution
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 in cities. There are other sources of
pollution
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 present in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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metropolitan areas
such
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 as factories and industries. These sources pollute the air. If
people
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 start travelling within the city by
car
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, there will be less contribution of
pollution
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 by
people
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.
As a result
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, they can inhale fresh air,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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air
pollution
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 will be reduced and fewer visits to doctors.
Additionally
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, cycles are
also
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 beneficial from
health
Correct article usage
a health
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perspectives
Fix the agreement mistake
perspective
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. Nation does not have to worry about exercise
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if they can
travel
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 by cycle. They can burn calories, which means
people
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 will stop worrying about obesity.
Overall
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can live healthy lives. In my viewpoints,
People
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 cannot
travel
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 by bicycle in cities, in
this
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 competitive era. Competition is everywhere whether in schools, offices and local vendors. They have to select the fast mode of
travel
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 which can help them to save
time
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 and
also
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 reach their destination on
time
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. So, for all those
people
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 who are in the race of competition, bicycles are not a solution. For them,
Cars
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 are more useful. In conclusion, citizens have different opinions on the mode of
travel
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 inside urban residential areas. But
according to
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 me,
Cars
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 have more merits than bicycles in
this
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 fast-paced life. So,
People
Use synonyms
 should not stop uses of
cars
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, if they want to succeed in their lives.

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task achievement
While you have made your points clear, try to elaborate more on each viewpoint to provide a deeper analysis.
coherence
Linking words between sentences and paragraphs could improve the flow of your essay. Consider using phrases such as 'moreover', 'in addition', and 'however'.
coherence
Make sure to define your position more clearly in the introduction for better engagement. It will help guide your reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your points regarding time-saving and health benefits of both modes of transport are well articulated.
coherence
The structure of the essay is generally logical and you provide a clear conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • maintenance
  • eco-friendly
  • infrastructure
  • physical health
  • suitable
  • weather conditions
  • traffic
  • repair costs
  • cycling infrastructure
  • fuel costs
  • carrying heavy loads
  • physical limitations
What to do next:
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