IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the prise of fastening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

There is no doubt that
,
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apply
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 these days, many consumers think that advertising has a noticeable impact on how
people
Use synonyms
making
Wrong verb form
make
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 their decisions before purchasing process. At the same time, some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the opposite view there is no real effect on
people
Use synonyms
's minds.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with the first point. In
this
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 argument, both perspectives will be examined in
this
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 discussion. On the one hand, it is commonly considered that promotion projects are one of the most significant factors which
helping
Change the form of the verb
help
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 companies to introduce their products.
As a result
Linking Words
, marketing strategies are spreading rapidly across the globe. especially in the world's leading countries because
of
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apply
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they
are focus
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are focused
are focusing
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to
Change preposition
on
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 enhancing their industries
by
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through
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 several advertising ways. The primary cause is the strong influence
from
Change preposition
of
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 these ads on how control society's vision about something
in
Correct your spelling
it
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 sells and explaining its purpose.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will get a lot of requests
on
Change preposition
for
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 their goods.
For example
Linking Words
,
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according to
Change preposition
apply
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statistics provided by Harvard University studied the clear effects of advertising in organisations
since
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from
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 2002 to 2020. The data showed a noticeable increase in incomes from 20% to 59%, highlighting the importance of these methods in marketing.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is argued by numerous that
this
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 technique is not working every time because these ads often go to unintended
people
Use synonyms
 even in screen ads or TV.
Therefore
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, the cost of
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
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 budget will affect
company's
Correct article usage
the company's
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 income in the four quarters.
In addition
Linking Words
,

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and conclusion. This will help the reader understand your stance more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports your overall argument. This will help with the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Tighten your sentences to avoid redundancy and improve clarity. For instance, phrases like 'to introduce their products' can be more direct.
coherence cohesion
Be careful with grammatical structures, particularly with subject-verb agreements, such as 'this technique is not working every time' should be 'this technique does not always work'.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument in favor of advertising's impact on consumer behavior, which is a strong foundation for the discussion.
task achievement
Good attempt to use statistical data to support your argument, which adds credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity epidemic
  • Nutritional value
  • Fast food culture
  • Economic disparity
  • Healthier alternatives
  • Caloric intake
  • Dietary habits
  • Public health measures
  • Consumer behavior
  • Price elasticity
  • Subsidies
What to do next:
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