Nowadays young people prefer going to shopping centres rather than spending their time in organised activities such as sport or music. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

It has been observed that going
for
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apply
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shopping in leisure time becoming a
trend
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among the new generation
instead
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of doing physical
activities
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like Cricket or football and
others
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other
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activities
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like
Music
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and reading. If questioned, I believe that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits to a large extent. My position is elaborated
further
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with reasons and examples. Examining my opinion, the strongest drawback of visiting malls for shopping is
waste
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the waste
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of money. Nowadays,
young
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the young
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generation
are tend
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tends
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to follow
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trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
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which become quite popular among them like
post
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posting
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story
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stories
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on social media
of
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about
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buying clothes, shoes so on.
A
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The
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main reason
behinds
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behind
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this
Linking Words
kind of
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activities
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activity
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are
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is
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they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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to look cool and
showoff
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show off
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to
others person
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other people
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.
For example
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, A
surveys
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survey
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conducted by 'Times Of India' suggested that 70%
youngster
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of youngster
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spend their time in shopping centres and 30% are organised their time on
sports
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and
music
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,
these
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this
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ratio is completely opposite before 10 or 15 years ago.
Moreover
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,
other
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another
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drawback of
this
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trend
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is the reduced physical and mental development of youth. When young people avoid
sports
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or
music
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, they miss out on opportunities to enhance their health, discipline, teamwork, and creativity.
For example
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, students who engage in
sports
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not only stay fit but
also
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develop leadership and time-management skills.
Similarly
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,
music
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fosters emotional intelligence and concentration, which are beneficial in academic and professional life.
On the contrary
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, some people argue that shopping centres provide a safe space for teenagers to socialise and relax.
To begin
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with, modern malls often include cinemas, food courts, and gaming zones, which can offer some form of entertainment and stress relief.
However
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,
this
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kind of interaction lacks the structure, discipline, and skill-building benefits of organised group
activities
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.
To conclude
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,
while
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visiting shopping centres may offer temporary enjoyment, I believe that
this
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trend
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is largely negative because it limits young people’s physical, emotional, and creative development. Encouraging participation in
sports
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,
music
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, and other structured
activities
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is essential for the holistic growth of the younger generation.

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Task Response
The introduction effectively states the writer's opinion, but you could include a brief outline of the main points you will discuss in your essay to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs follow a clear structure. Each main point should ideally start with a topic sentence that summarizes the paragraph's main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some language and grammar issues affect clarity and professionalism. Proofread for errors, such as subject-verb agreement and appropriate article use, which can help improve your score.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, indicating that you believe the drawbacks of shopping centres outweigh the benefits, which is a strong position to take.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as statistics from the survey, which adds credibility to your arguments and demonstrates your engagement with the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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