IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

To improve children’s lives, mothers and fathers should attend parenting and child development courses every year. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In modern society, how to take good care of
children
Use synonyms
 and
role
Correct pronoun usage
their role
show examples
 as appreciated
parents
Use synonyms
 are advocated more and more
significant
Change the word
significantly
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take part in the courses, which
are teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
 parenting and
child
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 every year.
However
Linking Words
, others hold an opposite view, claiming
that is
Linking Words
 unnecessary. From my perspective, I am inclined to stand with the proponents.
Initially
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 financial problems,
people
Use synonyms
 have
few
Replace the word
fewer
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 than before and tend to treat them like treasures.
As a result
Linking Words
, some
parents
Use synonyms
 may become overly protective, often referred to as helicopter
parents
Use synonyms
, or even spoil their
children
Use synonyms
. To address those problems, attending parenting and
child
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 courses is important, which can teach new
parents
Use synonyms
 of caring
fragile
Change preposition
for fragile
show examples
 newborns skills
such
Linking Words
 as bathing and feeding.
For example
Linking Words
, some hospitals offer some classes for free to encourage
parents
Use synonyms
 enrolling to learn how to bathe newborns and recognize signs that babies are hungry. It can not only give kids better
caring
Replace the word
care
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 strengthen the connection with the family.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can realize when should their
children
Use synonyms
 start to crawl, walk and talk. If a
child
Use synonyms
 fails to meet these milestones,
people
Use synonyms
 can figure out it and bring it to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
treatment earlier.
However
Linking Words
, others believe
that is
Linking Words
 a waste of time and they can learn
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from the internet. Modern
people
Use synonyms
 suffer from financial pressure and
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
may not have time to attend other classes.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 plenty of information from the social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and television programs, which teach parenting.
However
Linking Words
, there are numerous
fake
Change preposition
of fake
show examples
 knowledge
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. If
people
Use synonyms
 cannot recognize,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 could negatively impact their
child
Use synonyms
’s
development
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 modern
people
Use synonyms
 are busy
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 business, in order to give
children
Use synonyms
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 childhood by attending courses
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 parenting and
child
Use synonyms
development
Use synonyms
 every year cannot be ignored.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is essential that
parents
Use synonyms
 should balance their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and some time for learning new knowledge in order to give
children
Use synonyms
 proper care and a healthy childhood.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Clarify your position in the introduction more explicitly. Make sure your thesis statement clearly states your agreement or disagreement with the statement.
coherence
Use paragraphs more effectively to separate different ideas. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and ends with a concluding sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph.
task response
You have provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which is crucial for task achievement.
coherence
Your essay presents a clear point of view, which is important for maintaining coherence throughout your writing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: