Some people argue that young people are unfit for holding significant positions in the government, while others maintain that it is beneficial for them to occupy such roles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

A group of individuals believe that youngsters are not in the position to take necessary occupations in the government,
whereas
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some people argue that there would be more benefits if youth held
such
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positions. In my opinion, young people are much more suitable for these jobs and
this
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essay will discuss both parts of the argument. On the one hand, young adults do not have the capacity to secure positions in the government because of their lack of experience. In today’s highly competitive environment, some youngsters feel overwhelmed as there are so many expectations from them.
Furthermore
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, they lose their motivation to increase their wealth of knowledge which poses great importance if they want to hold a well-respected role in an administration.
Consequently
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, these individuals prioritize getting financial support from their parents rather than finding themselves an internship, and
as a result
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, they cannot be qualified for these occupations.
In addition
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, because they have less resilience, it would be harsh for them to bear
such
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responsibilities.
For instance
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, a job in an admin role requires one to tackle various challenges and make a decision under intense circumstances.
On the other hand
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, young people are more energetic in comparison to the old. To cite an example, a manager should work more hours to finish all the work on time, without missing the deadline, which in turn requires more energy.
Moreover
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, they can easily adapt to the changing environment of the world.
This
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means that their digital skills are more improved and they are updated with technological advancements.
Additionally
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, these cutting-edge technologies develop rapidly, so it would take a long time for the old to capture the procedures of these improvements.
Therefore
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, employing them would not be the best option. In conclusion,
although
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there can be some drawbacks to youth participating in high positions in the job sector, they can be controllable with proper guidance. So, it is undeniable that they have the power to contribute to the success of their country and move their nation ahead globally.

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task achievement
You provide a good introduction outlining the topic and stating your opinion clearly. However, consider expanding your conclusion to summarize the key points discussed. This will strengthen your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
While the paragraphs have a logical flow, some points could be more effectively organized to enhance clarity. Try using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
The examples provided are somewhat relevant but could be more specific and detailed. Including more concrete examples or real-life situations could enhance your argument and demonstrate your understanding.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
The use of vocabulary and varied sentence structures is good, which contributes positively to the overall readability of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • significant positions
  • government
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • political landscapes
  • decision-making
  • maturity
  • emotional reactions
  • resilience
  • fresh perspectives
  • innovative ideas
  • transformative
  • energy
  • creativity
  • demographics
  • representation
  • technological savviness
  • modernizing
  • efficiency
  • public services
  • invaluable
  • diverse mix
  • progressive governance
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