IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today our communications, medicine and transport systems all depend on computer technology. Our reliance on computer technology in these fields has created a dangerous situation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is often believed that the use of technological
tools
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 has become very common in numerous sectors like communication,medicine, and transport systems.
This
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 has caused over-dependency on these instruments, and
people
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 are stuck in
this
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 difficult situation. I strongly agree with
this
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 viewpoint because without the help of these apparatuses,
people
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 cannot do intense tasks,and
due to
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 overuse
people
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 have depleted their intellectual capabilities. Technology has become a fundamental part of everyday activity in various fields like communication links, pharmaceuticals, and transport links.
This
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 is to say, these industries function in accordance with programs installed by the IT experts of the government.
Moreover
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, not only do they provide services to the general public, but
also
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 the whole infrastructure is built in accordance with the planning provided by these
tools
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.
For example
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, New York City is designed in
such
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 a way that every sector is well programmed and works simultaneously at their specific times.
Due to
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 the massive utilization of computer
tools
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 in daily tasks,
people
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 are now become mentally handicapped,
Furthermore
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, with extreme use individuals are less intuitive and intelligent.
This
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 has caused detrimental effects on the mental well-being of the citizens, and they are now more stressed as compared to previous times.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a report by the Guardian Newspaper almost 47 per cent of users of computer
tools
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 are facing mental disorders and personal issues. In conclusion,I agree that ,despite
of
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apply
show examples
some prospects provided by the technology the overwhelming majority of
people
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 have plunged themselves into a pothole.

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task achievement
Make sure to elaborate more on your main points and provide additional detail to strengthen your argument. Consider discussing both the positive and negative aspects of technology in these fields to provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of ideas by using transition phrases or linking words to connect your sentences and paragraphs. This will help readers follow your argument more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and that your conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. Consider rephrasing your conclusion for clarity.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear argument that supports the idea of technological over-dependency in critical sectors.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to illustrate your points, such as the design of New York City and the statistics from The Guardian, which adds credibility to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reliance
  • cybersecurity
  • over-reliance
  • digital divide
  • data breach
  • cyberbullying
  • diagnostic machines
  • electronic health records
  • automated vehicles
  • predictive maintenance
  • real-time monitoring
  • vulnerability
  • misinformation
  • hacking
  • efficiency
  • navigation systems
  • traditional skills
  • system failures
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