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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People are living longer. Some people think that it causes big problems. Others, however, think that the aging population has many advantages for business, government, and society in general. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People
Use synonyms
 today have longer lifespans compared to the past, and
this
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 change has sparked debate among
people
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. A group of individuals argue that a growing elderly population causes serious economic and social challenges,
whereas
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 others believe that it provides opportunities for authorities, markets, and communities. I strongly agree with the latter opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 justifiably argue that increased life expectancy leads to excessive pressure on healthcare systems and the economy. The elderly generally suffer from more health issues,
such
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 as cardiovascular disease or dementia, which require long-term treatment and constant medical care.
For example
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, in countries like India, healthcare expenditure has risen rapidly
due to
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 the growing number of old individuals.
Additionally
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, governments have to spend more money on pensions for retired
people
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, creating financial problems. As a model, in
such
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 countries, pension costs are a significant part of the budget, causing limited investment in other pivotal sectors
such
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 as education and infrastructure.
On the other hand
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, another group of
people
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 claims that an
aging
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ageing
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 population can offer economic and social benefits. They argue that older
people
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 often possess valuable experience and knowledge, which have positive effects on businesses and the economy.
For instance
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, some retired professionals work as part-time mentors or professors, helping governments prevent spending extra costs. They
also
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 insist that elderly
people
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 contribute to social cooperation by participating in volunteer work and supporting their families by taking care of their grandchildren. These contributions can reduce childcare costs and strengthen family bonds. In conclusion, from my perspective,
although
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 there are some economic concerns associated with longer lifespans, the advantages are more significant. Older adults bring wisdom and experience that can benefit both the economy and families.
Moreover
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, their contributions to society through mentoring and volunteering should be considered.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments, especially when discussing the impact of the aging population on healthcare and the economy.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea to improve clarity. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument and provide a solid overview of your perspective on the topic.
content
You have successfully introduced contrasting viewpoints, which adds depth to your discussion and shows a good understanding of the topic.
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