IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe it is better for governments to spend any available money for sports on providing facilities for the general population. Others believe that instead, they should invest in training top athletes to win major competitions. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

The allocation of government funding for
sports
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 is a subject of ongoing debate. One perspective champions the widespread provision of sporting
facilities
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 for the general public, arguing for its
benefits
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 to public health and community well-being.
Conversely
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, another viewpoint advocates for focused investment in elite
athletes
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 to achieve international sporting success.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore both arguments before presenting my opinion in
favor
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favour
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 of a balanced approach that prioritizes grassroots development
while
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 still supporting high-performance
athletes
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. Advocates for prioritizing
facilities
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 for the general population emphasize the profound impact of widespread participation in
sports
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. Accessible and affordable
sports
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facilities
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,
such
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 as public swimming pools, parks with
sports
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 fields, and community gyms, encourage physical activity across all age groups and socioeconomic backgrounds.
This
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 can lead to significant improvements in public health, reducing rates of obesity, cardiovascular disease, and other lifestyle-related illnesses.
Furthermore
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, community
sports
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 can foster social cohesion, build stronger
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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, and provide positive outlets for young people, potentially reducing crime rates and promoting civic engagement. The investment in these
facilities
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 creates a healthier and more connected society
overall
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, with
benefits
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 that extend far beyond athletic achievement.
On the other hand
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, those who argue for investing in elite
athletes
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 point to the national pride and inspiration that international sporting victories can generate. Success in major competitions,
such
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 as the Olympics or World Championships, can elevate a country's global standing and foster a sense of national unity. Funding specialized training
facilities
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, expert coaching, and international competition opportunities for talented
athletes
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 can lead to medal wins and inspire the next generation of
athletes
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. These victories can
also
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 attract tourism and investment, providing economic
benefits
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. The argument here focuses on the symbolic and aspirational value of elite sporting success.
Therefore
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, my opinion is that governments should strive for a balanced allocation of
sports
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 funding. A significant portion of resources should be directed towards creating and maintaining accessible
sports
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facilities
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 for the general population, promoting widespread participation and its associated health and social
benefits
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. Simultaneously, a dedicated, albeit potentially smaller, portion of funding should be allocated to supporting the training and development of talented
athletes
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 who demonstrate the potential to compete at the highest international levels.
This
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 dual approach ensures a healthier, more engaged citizenry
while
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also
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 allowing the nation to celebrate sporting achievements on the global stage. By nurturing both the base and the apex of the sporting pyramid, governments can create a truly thriving and beneficial sporting culture.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that every point made in your introduction is fully elaborated upon in the body paragraphs. The ideas presented are strong, but make sure to clearly link back each argument to your thesis for a more coherent structure.
task response
In the conclusion, restate your main opinion more explicitly to reinforce your position to the reader. This helps solidify the take-home message of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a distinct introduction that sets up the topic clearly and a well-defined conclusion summarizing the main points, which adds to its overall coherence.
task achievement
The arguments presented for both sides are well-organized and supported with relevant examples, showcasing a comprehensive understanding of the topic's scope.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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