IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that giving longer prison sentences is the best way to reduce crime. Others believe that there are better ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. You should write at least 254 words.

Crime
Use synonyms
 is always been the biggest issue for the government to tackle. Many people believe that the longer
Use synonyms
prison
Correct article usage
the prison
show examples
 period for the criminal, the better the outcome would be.
Linking Words
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 claim that there are many ways to reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate,
such
Linking Words
 as supportive
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and give my opinion
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
 support the latter approach.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, supporters
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer imprisonment argue that it can reduce the criminal rate by giving some time for the criminal to reflect during the
prison
Use synonyms
 period, they have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time to regret their past
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
, in order to be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better human life
afterward
Change the spelling
afterwards
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some prisons provide a humanity program that consists of the criminal, as one of the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to bring them to a better quality of life by planting a good
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is important to address to root causes of
crime
Use synonyms
 in order to achieve sustainability reduction in
crime
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. The longer
prison
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 sentences do not address the root cause of
crime
Use synonyms
 correctly,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty, lack of
education
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 mental health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In fact, investing in the
education
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 and
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 program may be more effective in preventing
crime
Use synonyms
 in the long term.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a right
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 system can help the offenders to recall and readapt to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better society, preventing them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
 more illegal actions, compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lengthy sentences. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 there are many
discourse
Change to a plural noun
discourses
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
prison
Use synonyms
 sentences
impacted
Verb problem
apply
show examples
positively
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the criminal
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, a more holistic approach
such
Linking Words
 as
education
Use synonyms
 and
rehabilitation
Use synonyms
 programs is likely to
be work
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 effectively in reducing
crime
Use synonyms
 levels.

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Task Response
The introduction should clearly outline the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay. It may help to rephrase the topic statement effectively to provide a smooth transition into the discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas and to connect sentences and paragraphs better. This will improve overall coherence in your writing.
Task Response
When presenting your arguments, try to include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, including statistics or studies related to crime rates and rehabilitation success could strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the topic of crime reduction and presents both views, which is important for a balanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion, helping readers follow the argumentation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent effect
  • incapacitation
  • recidivism
  • root causes of crime
  • rehabilitation programs
  • punitive measures
  • investing in education
  • community programs
  • sustainable reduction in crime
  • societal issues
  • holistic approach
  • fear of consequences
  • potential criminals
  • illegal behavior
  • severe consequences
  • balance between punishment and reform
What to do next:
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