IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people consider sports to be their career in the society. For others it is mostly a work out to stay fit. Discuss both views snd give your opinion

It is an undeniable fact that
sport
Use synonyms
 has a big role in our life in all over the world.
While
Linking Words
 some individuals prefer to do
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in order to stay healthy,
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
others think of a
career
Use synonyms
 path in
sports
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both views and come to a reasonable conclusion. My opinion will be said in the
Linking Words
further
Correct your spelling
future
show examples
. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
, humans who are willing to be
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 in
sports
Use synonyms
, choose a
career
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
. Because they see their talent along the way in terms of being better of
people
Use synonyms
 around them, physically.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who are
run
Wrong verb form
running
show examples
 athletes
were
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not
realised
Verb problem
realise
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the fact that they have an ability at
first,
Linking Words
so they started as a hobby. As they continued to run they decided how good they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
, and turned
this
Linking Words
 physical activity
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, humans who think
sports
Use synonyms
 as a healthy
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, prefer to do any
sport
Use synonyms
 in their spare time
due to
Linking Words
 them having different jobs, desire to be good-looking etc.
For instance
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extreme
sports
Use synonyms
, there are some physical activities
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 enable
people
Use synonyms
 healthier
such
Linking Words
 as; pilates, walking gradually etc. They choose to work out one of
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 as they already have
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another job.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some individuals select a
career
Use synonyms
 in
sports
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their talent and
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 claim as an option to
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 body and they do not consider
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
career
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
sport
Use synonyms
 ought to be the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's lives whether
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it will
be count
Change the verb form
be counted
show examples
 as a hobby or
career
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to present your opinion more clearly in the introduction, perhaps at the end of the first paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied linking words to improve the flow between sentences and ideas, such as 'firstly', 'moreover', or 'on the contrary'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure you proofread for spelling and grammar mistakes to enhance the overall quality of your writing. For instance, 'proffesional' should be 'professional', and 'an another job' should be 'another job'.
task achievement
You presented two clear viewpoints on the topic, demonstrating an understanding of the subject matter.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both perspectives before concluding with your opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • athletes
  • dedication
  • career paths
  • financial stability
  • inspire
  • fitness
  • promotes
  • healthier lifestyle
  • reduces stress
  • social interactions
  • professional
  • amateur
  • prestigious
  • cultures
  • perception
  • involvement
  • personal growth
  • fulfillment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: