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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that video games can help children to develop a wide range of skills, while others believe that video games have a negative impact on children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Playing
video
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games
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 at an appropriate frequency could provide benefits for
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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, but people
also
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 have different views about the negative affection of
video
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games
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. Most
video
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games
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 are set in a virtual world
that is
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 different from the real world which can let
children
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 explore the adventure on their way which would bring a lot of fun and boost creation.
Also
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,
children
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 not only gain entertainment but
also
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 learn a variety of
skills
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 from playing
video
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games
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,
such
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 as hand-eye coordination through action
games
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 which is helpful for other activities like drawing, playing ball
games
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, and music.
Additionally
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, playing
games
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 with friends can boost teamwork
skills
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.
For example
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, players of League of Legends need to communicate closely with other teammates to work well together to win. If adults could manage well the amount of time of playing
games
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 for
children
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, It would bring benefits.
However
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, others argue that playing
games
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also
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 has a bad impact. Spending hours staring at screens can damage eyesight because
children
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 don’t know how to manage their time and lack
of
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apply
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awareness about
behavior
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behaviour
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. Most
of
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apply
show examples
games
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 promote violence and killing which makes them become aggressive and violent so that
children
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 have
absence
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an absence
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 of concentration to finish homework or study, eventually getting worse performance at school. Even the
games
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 that do not contain violence can still be harmful because they provide frequent rewards to keep players addicted, eventually, it leads to developing a sedentary lifestyle and increases the risk of obesity.
Although
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, playing
games
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 can boost widely
skills
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 for
children
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,
such
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 as teamwork
skills
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, and hand-eye control ability. Parents still have an important position which is to keep
children
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 from violent
games
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 and limit the time that their
children
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 spend on
games
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 to prevent harmful impact on lifestyle.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by outlining both views more explicitly and stating your opinion in a single sentence for better clarity and direction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to a single main idea. Consider more clearly separating the discussion of advantages and disadvantages into distinct paragraphs to improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, explain how a particular game has been shown to improve a skill or discuss specific studies that support your claims.
task achievement
Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the main points and reiterating your opinion more strongly to leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument and presented a balanced view, which is important in discussing such topics.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates clear potential with relevant and appropriate arguments regarding the effects of video games.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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