IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that using mobile phones and computers has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that technology has had a negative impact on young people ,especially in reading and writing
skills
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that using mobile and other
devices
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 could have harmful effects on teenagers, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that these
devices
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 are more widespread in younger generations and could lead to drawbacks influence.
To begin
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 with, everyone has different
devices
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 ,
such
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 as
phones
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, computers and tablets.
In other words
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, younger users are more addicted to smartphones and that means they are not developing their
skills
Use synonyms
 It is important to
use
Use synonyms
 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
Use synonyms
 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score. or ability to learn.
In addition
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, we see many younger students who have the lowest grades because of their
phones
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 and playing games.
For example
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, there is an article
says
Correct pronoun usage
that says
show examples
" All younger individuals have a phone and as a society, we should publish how to
use
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 our
phones
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 in effective ways. Another point to consider, plenty of younger people are using their
phones
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 significantly. It is
also
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 possible to say that their reading and writing
skills
Use synonyms
 are decreasing
due to
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 their mobile
phones
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the ability to read or write is limited in
this
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 generation and we must set strict rules on how to
use
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 these
devices
Use synonyms
 in a good way. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
devices
Use synonyms
 are affecting badly and on younger users and I strongly agree with
this
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 statement that they do not have any
skills
Use synonyms
 or knowledge because of these
phones
Use synonyms
.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is generally clear, but try to ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence.
task achievement
You should provide clearer arguments in support of your opinion. Each paragraph could benefit from elaboration and deeper analysis.
task achievement
It’s helpful to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your points and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your vocabulary more to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider range of language proficiency.
task achievement
You provide a clear opinion in your introduction, and you articulate a position on the topic, which is an important aspect of task achievement.
task achievement
You show an awareness of different viewpoints, which adds depth to your argument and demonstrates critical thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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