Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

A lot of
people
Use synonyms
think that
children
Use synonyms
who make their own decisions on everyday matters is a result of
people
Use synonyms
who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
and
cares
Correct subject-verb agreement
care
show examples
only for themselves,
while
Linking Words
others believe that it is important for
children
Use synonyms
to make
this
Linking Words
kind of
Use synonyms
choices
Fix the agreement mistake
choice
show examples
. Both of them have their own valued reasons and
this
Linking Words
essay will discuss them, before presenting my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
with,
people
Use synonyms
who think that making
choices
Use synonyms
for
children
Use synonyms
is not good are partly right about it.
Children
Use synonyms
are not
an adults
Correct the article-noun agreement
adults
an adult
show examples
and
a
Change the word
their
show examples
way of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
thinking
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
different and because of
it
Add a comma
it,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
might
want
Verb problem
make
show examples
a
choice
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
not for them.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an experiment from Psychology University in 2013
were
Correct your spelling
where
show examples
2 groups of
people
Use synonyms
were asked
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one psychological question where the
first
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
was adults,
while
Linking Words
the
second
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
was
children
Use synonyms
and their
choice
Use synonyms
would
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it,
then
Linking Words
after question the
first
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
had a
choice
Use synonyms
that was much better
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
the
second
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
's
choice
Use synonyms
. Continuing with,
people
Use synonyms
think that
children
Use synonyms
can make their own
choices
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
and
that is
Linking Words
true if
children
Use synonyms
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
smart enough.
Children
Use synonyms
with good thinking and high IQ can make good
choices
Use synonyms
that are good for them.
For example
Linking Words
, there was an experiment from Oxford University in 2018 where they brought 20
children
Use synonyms
, the
first
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 10
children
Use synonyms
were
children
Use synonyms
with normal thinking,
while
Linking Words
the
second
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of 10
children
Use synonyms
were very smart for their age and had high IQ levels. During the
experiment
Add a comma
experiment,
show examples
an adult person
was describing
Wrong verb form
described
show examples
the
children
Use synonyms
some situations and
then
Linking Words
asking
Wrong verb form
asked
show examples
them for their
choices
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and the
second
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Change noun form
group's
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's
choices
Use synonyms
were much better
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
The
first
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
's. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
can make good decisions if their thinking is different
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
if they
smart
Add a missing verb
are smart
show examples
enough. In my opinion, every child can make decisions for himself, but only for small situations,
while
Linking Words
for big situations
children
Use synonyms
with high IQ levels can make a
choice
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader through your points.
task achievement
Try to enhance the depth of your analysis by providing more comprehensive explanations of the examples used, especially the experiments mentioned.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work for grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and proper article usage.
content
Your essay presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints on the topic.
task achievement
You effectively expressed your opinion in the conclusion, which is a critical part of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: