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Writing Samples
Band 5

An increasing number of students are choosing to study abroad. To what extend does this trend benefit the students themselves and the countries involved. What are the drawbacks

It is true that a large number of
students
Use synonyms
pursue
Wrong verb form
have pursued
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 their
education
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 abroad
Change preposition
in thes
show examples
thes
Correct your spelling
the
these
 past few years.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
phenomon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
, including the benefits and the drawbacks of
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad. There are a variety
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 of having the chance to
study
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 overseas, the most significant advantage is the broader opportunity that they possibly achieve. For some people, it could be a life-changing experience, as it opens a lot more
door
Fix the agreement mistake
doors
show examples
 in the future.
For instance
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, a group of international
students
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 maximize
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 potential in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic and international
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
, gaining more experience from both academic and
non academic
Add a hyphen
non-academic
show examples
. Resulting in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better experience on their resumes, which
really
Add a missing verb
is really
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 impactful
for
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on
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 their career opportunity.
Survey
Add an article
A survey
The survey
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 from the Ministry of
Education
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 in Indonesia found that 65% of
students
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 from Indonesia who
study
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 abroad tend to have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 higher salary compared to the others.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it gives
student
Add an article
the student
a student
show examples
 access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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high quality
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high-quality
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education
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, especially
the
Correct article usage
apply
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program specialization that may not
available
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be available
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
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 their original
country
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.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
study
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 abroad is the best way for young people to live independently. On the paradoxical side,
there's
Wrong verb form
there are
show examples
also
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 the
disadventages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 as well. First and foremost, culture shock is a huge problem that they commonly
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
.
Students
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 need to adapt
with
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to
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 the new environment,
as well as
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 the
season
Fix the agreement mistake
seasons
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 that could possibly
different
Add a missing verb
be different
show examples
with
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from
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 their
country
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. They
also
Linking Words
 need to adapt quickly in order to fit
in
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into
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Furthermore
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,
language
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the language
show examples
 barrier could
also
Linking Words
 be one of the
challenge
Change to a plural noun
challenges
show examples
, especially for
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country
Add an article
a country
the country
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 doesn't really
talk in
Verb problem
speak
show examples
 the international language. Some
students
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 find it hard to communicate with others, they even need to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sign language in order to express what they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to say. In conclusion,
although
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to move
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moving
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 from
the
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apply
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local
education
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 to another
country
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
education
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 has many pros, it
also
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 comes with some cons that may not
be underestimate
Change the verb form
be underestimated
show examples
.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical accuracy. Words like 'phenomenon', 'advantages', and 'disadvantages' need to be spelled correctly for a stronger impression.
clarity
Be careful with phrasing. For example, 'the broader opportunity that they possibly achieve' could be expressed more clearly as 'the broader opportunities they can achieve'.
style
Try to use a wider variety of sentence structures to enhance the complexity of your writing, which can improve your score in coherence and cohesion.
content
You have made a good effort to explore both the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
support
The use of specific data, such as the survey from the Ministry of Education in Indonesia, demonstrates a commitment to supporting your ideas with evidence, which is commendable.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • global citizenship
  • academic credentials
  • job market competitiveness
  • international experience
  • language proficiency
  • personal development
  • economic impact
  • educational opportunities
  • networking
  • social integration
  • cultural adaptation
  • financial implications
What to do next:
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