IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In the modern world, it is no longer becessary to use animals and animal products for food, clothing and medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion based on your knowledge and experience.

It is stated that
animals
Use synonyms
 are no longer necessary for the production of food, clothing, and medicine. Personally, I agree and disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
animals
Use synonyms
 are the most essential commodities
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 today's world. We need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 to provide us with protein in food, and vital nutrition. 
Additionally
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 have
also
Linking Words
 made it possible to treat many diseases
due to
Linking Words
 animal research,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, cancer, and kidney disease, positively impacting our healthcare systems.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, fashion-wise,
animals
Use synonyms
 are not necessary, using lizard skin for luxury bags to cow skin for expensive coats,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a form of animal abuse and pushes a negative culture to our society as there have been numerous other forms of faux materials available to swap in for real skin. In conclusion,
animals
Use synonyms
 are necessary in our
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life when used wisely and in moderation.

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively presents your position, but it could be slightly more specific about the reasons for your agreement and disagreement. For example, you could mention the alternatives available for clothing and medicine right from the start.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer, particularly the transition between your points about fashion and healthcare. Consider using clearer linking phrases to improve flow and connect your ideas better.
task achievement
Your examples related to animal use in healthcare and fashion are relevant, but you might want to provide a more specific example or statistic, especially in the healthcare section, to strengthen your points.
content
Your essay clearly presents a balanced view, which is a positive aspect as it shows critical thinking.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion structure which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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