IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Not enough people around the world choose to study science subject at university. What are the reasons for this? what impact does the issue have on society? give reasons for your answer and include any examples from your own knowledge or experience

A trend has been observed
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
individuals opting for
science
Use synonyms
 during their higher education in universities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I shall be
dicussing
Correct your spelling
discussing
 the possible
reasons
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 the impact of
this
Linking Words
 trend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To commence with, there are numerous possible
reasons
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which
Correct word choice
why
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 not many
people
Use synonyms
 are opting
science
Use synonyms
 stream in colleges and universities. One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 can be a prolonged theoretical study. Before becoming a doctor or even a nurse one needs to complete graduation in
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
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 stream which
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
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 majorly on theory to have a full detailed knowledge about how
human
Add an article
the human
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 body system works
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
only fewer number of
people
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 have
patience
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the patience
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 to read just theory and theory
due to
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 which a lot of
people
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 prefer other subjects over
science
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. Another possible reason can be
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 cost of
science
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 study. The enrollment of
science
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 students
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 way
more
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apply
show examples
higher than other streams like mathematics and
english
Change the capitalization
English
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 at college and university levels and
due to
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this
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people
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 are restricted
to opt
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from opting
show examples
 for a medical field. As far as
concern
Add an article
the concern
show examples
 of the impact of
this
Linking Words
 trend on the society. It is actually not very pleasing as
due to
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 above mentioned and other possible
reasons
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 we are having
shortage
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a shortage
show examples
 of
high
Replace the word
highly
show examples
 qualified doctors and nurses in
the
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apply
show examples
society.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 are having delayed treatment and
a
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apply
show examples
longer suffering.
To conclude
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, for a variety of possible
reasons
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people
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 are less interested in opting for
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
 field during their
grduation
Correct your spelling
graduation
 and the impact of
this
Linking Words
 is
very
Rephrase
much
show examples
 worse as
people
Use synonyms
 are not treated on time due
less
Change preposition
to less
show examples
 medical staff available.

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task response
Your opening statement could be clearer by defining the trend more precisely. Instead of saying 'A trend has been observed about a few number of individuals', consider 'There is a growing trend of fewer individuals choosing to study sciences at the university level.'
coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer connection between your ideas. For example, when discussing the high costs of science courses, you could link it directly to the impact on student enrollment. This would improve the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor spelling errors, such as 'dicussing' instead of 'discussing' and 'grduation' instead of 'graduation'. Small errors can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
task response
Expand on your examples and reasons with specific instances or statistics, such as mentioning a particular region or country facing a doctor shortage and its effects on healthcare.
task achievement
You have clearly identified the main reasons for the decline in science study enrollment, which is a good starting point for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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