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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many workplaces, online communication is now more common than face-to-face meetings. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, workplaces are increasingly adopting new technology in order to stay up-to-date with the system. Conveying messages via social platforms is very common as compared to personal gatherings. I believe that there are more benefits
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 popular trend than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks. There are numerous advantages of communicating through
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
. First and foremost is saving
time
Use synonyms
 and money. Spending
amples
Correct your spelling
ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hours commuting from
home
Use synonyms
 to
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
 can be saved through online meetings.
Besides
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this
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, utilizing money on travelling through public or private transport will
also
Linking Words
 remain in pockets.
For instance
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, there was a survey conducted by
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Bank of India to obtain information about which profession is saving more money every month. As. a result, people working from
home
Use synonyms
 were in the vast majority
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 list.
Furthermore
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, Working on your own will
also
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comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 up with a number of health benefits. Sitting at
home
Use synonyms
 for working purposes will ultimately improve health by eating fresh meals all
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
. Family around working
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 shows more concern and effort to maintain their healthy lifestyle.
However
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,
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 coming to the workplace cannot arrange fresh food at all times which will limit them from taking more nutritious food.
On the other hand
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, there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 disadvantages of working from
home
Use synonyms
. Sometimes, working in family family-oriented environment creates more expectations among family members like spending
time
Use synonyms
 with them. Unfortunately, it creates more burden on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 mind to balance both professional and personal life.
Moreover
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, there is always a need for a special place
as well as
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 a stable internet connection
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
living
Correct article usage
the living
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 space for connecting with co-workers.
This
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 area required a lot of concentration to get
such
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 things available. In conclusion, today's generation is focusing more on online communication rather than face-to-face meetings as they can generate multiple
income
Change to a plural noun
incomes
show examples
 and save
time
Use synonyms
 for their family members.
Hence
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, it improves the economy .

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that accurately summarises the main point of that paragraph. This will enhance clarity and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and transitions between ideas to improve the flow of your writing. This will help to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to provide more depth and detail. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Rephrase or clarify some of the more complex ideas, such as the impact of working from home on health. Clearer explanations will make your essay easier to understand.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion, stating your belief that the advantages of online communication outweigh the disadvantages, which sets a focused direction for the essay.
task achievement
Your essay highlights some important points regarding the benefits and drawbacks of online communication, showcasing a good understanding of both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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