IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

These days, The proportion of productive
age
Use synonyms
 in some countries is more large rather than
adolesence
Correct your spelling
adolescents
.
This
Linking Words
 trend
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of advantages for the state
such
Linking Words
 as for the development in terms of technology and can be impactful to the economy.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
age
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more creative and productive rather than
people
Use synonyms
 older than 60 years old.
In addition
Linking Words
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 can be helpful to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 developing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 have a lot of
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
 and
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, The government should
lookafter
Correct your spelling
look after
 the young
people
Use synonyms
 in terms of education because it can lead to the development of the
country
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Many old
people
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with young
people
Use synonyms
 might be adverse to the
country
Use synonyms
 because
people
Use synonyms
 over
60s dont
Verb problem
60 are not
show examples
 productive anymore.
Additionally
Linking Words
, if many
people
Use synonyms
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
 productive ages, it can be helpful to the
country
Use synonyms
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
show examples
 in
economic
Add an article
the economic
show examples
 sector.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Many young ages start to make
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 startup or business because they have a lot of innovation and it can be helpful for the
country
Use synonyms
 to
compate
Correct your spelling
compete
compare
 with other contingent in the world. On top of that,
This
Linking Words
 trend can
also
Linking Words
 help
teh
Correct your spelling
the
 state revenue from the tax.
To sum up
Linking Words
, Many
benefecial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
affect
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
con
Correct your spelling
can
show examples
 occur
due to
Linking Words
 the number of young
age
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
 who
Use synonyms
age
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
 over
60s
Correct your spelling
60
.
Linking Words
This phenomena
Change the determiner
This phenomenon
These phenomena
show examples
 can lead to
growing
Correct your spelling
growth in
show examples
 the income of the
country
Use synonyms
, and help the government
compating
Verb problem
compete with
show examples
 other countries in the world.

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task achievement
Your introduction should be clearer in stating your position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement to make it more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
There are several grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases, such as 'more large' and 'lookafter'. Consider revising these sentences for better clarity and grammatical correctness.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your points and support your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific technological advancements made by young entrepreneurs.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to use varied vocabulary to keep your writing engaging. For example, instead of repeating 'young people', try using synonyms like 'youth' or 'young adults'.
task achievement
Your ideas about the creativity and productivity of young people are insightful and relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is logical and follows a clear progression of ideas, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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