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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people argue that in order to improve the quality of education, high school students should be encouraged to make comments or even criticism of their teachers, others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Nurmouse people argue that to enhance the quality of education, high school pupils should be encouraged to make comments or
bullying of
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bully
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 their
teachers
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. Others think it will drive to
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of respect and being rude in the classroom.
This
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 essay will
analysis
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analyse
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 both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, high
schools
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 have full responsibility to make their
students
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respectfull
Correct your spelling
respectful
respectfully
 or rude.
In other words
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, it
does
Verb problem
is
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 not
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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related if we need to improve the performance of education, they must
encouraged
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encourage
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students
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 to
say
Verb problem
make
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a
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apply
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bad
comment
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comments
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 or
criticism
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 of their
teachers
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.
In addition
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, providing
students
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 with the opportunity to
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criticism
Replace the word
criticise
show examples
 their
teachers
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 can promote critical thinking skills and collaborative learning.
For example
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, if the high school encourages to make
comment
Fix the agreement mistake
comments
show examples
 or
criticism
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 can foster
a
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apply
show examples
communication in the classroom and give the student a chance to express their thoughts and feelings.
On the other hand
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, some people argue that if the
schools
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 are allowing
to
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apply
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their
students
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 to talk and
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criticism
Replace the word
criticise
show examples
 their
teachers
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, that can be effected in bad outcomes. It is
also
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 possible to say that pupils are young and that generation it is difficult to control or guide their words or actions.
Moreover
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, there is a concern has
a
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apply
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negatively
impacting
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impacted
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 their performance and
diminishing
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diminished
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 their passion for teaching.
For instance
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, there is an article about how to control our
students
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says
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that says
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 that" teaching
methood
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method
 involves respect their
students
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 and if
they
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the
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students
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 have chance to
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criticism
Correct your spelling
criticise
show examples
 their
teachers
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, the authority will lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
control in the classroom. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that academic
schools
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 should not
let
Verb problem
give
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 their
students
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 an opportunity to
criticism
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, because that will not
be handle
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handle
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 the environment of
schools
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.

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language
Improve grammatical accuracy and spelling. For instance, 'Nurmouse' should be 'Numerous', and 'analysis' instead of 'analysis'.
content
Clarify your arguments and strengthen them with better examples. Some points are currently vague and could be expressed more clearly.
structure
Work on the overall structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports a specific point and follows logically from the previous one.
content
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is a good approach for this type of essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • constructive criticism
  • educational environment
  • student empowerment
  • authority
  • collaborative learning
  • critical thinking
  • respect and discipline
  • teaching methods
  • feedback platform
  • student-teacher dynamic
What to do next:
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