IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organiasation. why might this be case what could be the disadvantages of being self-employed

These days it is a growing trend among a number of people to start their own
business
Use synonyms
instead
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 of working under employers.
This
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 might be
due to
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 the flexibility self-employment provides.
However
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, there are a few disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon, which I will discuss in
this
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 essay. The main reason why people select to start a
business
Use synonyms
 is because it provides them flexibility in hours, working schedule, and days
which
Change preposition
on which
show examples
 they want to
work
Use synonyms
. They can enjoy their family time
as well as
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 manage
work
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according to
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 their schedule which is not possible when they
work
Use synonyms
 for a
business
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.
Hence
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, it might benefit them to reduce
gap
Add an article
the gap
show examples
 between family relationships
also
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 they can
work
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 and enjoy themselves without any interruptions.
However
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, the first negative point in self-employment is an investment
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
. Some people took loans from money lenders and invested their savings to start an ownership. There is a risk of losing all the investment if the plan does not go well.
For example
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, in COVID-19 most of the businesses were shut down
due to
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 low profitability. So, businesses always remain under stress to make a profit to maintain expenses. Another reason is the loss of regular paycheques, perks and holidays they enjoy when they
work
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 for someone else. In offices, employees always stay excited when there is a public holiday or they receive a salary and bonus. But in the case of ownership, they have to pay bills, and
business
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 expenses
Lastly
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 they can get some profit which is not possible on a fixed time.
Thus
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, they always make plans to get profit back. In essence, In
this
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 era, citizens are investing in businesses rather than performing tasks in organisations. The main cause is the freedom to choose hours
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and days of the job. But there are a few demerits too
such
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 as heavy investment and loss of fixed salary.

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration for your points to enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for a more structured approach to separate ideas clearly in paragraph forms.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use transitions between ideas to improve flow and connection between sentences.
Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear introduction and outlines both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
Task Achievement
The use of relatable examples, like the impact of COVID-19 on businesses, is a strong point in your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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