IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

We are facing great environmental problems these days. Some people say that personal lifestyle changes should be made to reduce the damage to environment, while other think that only the government can improve the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many believe that personal
lifestyle
Use synonyms
changes
Use synonyms
 have to be made to reduce the damage
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the environment. Others argue that only the government can make improvements
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the climate. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I want to illustrate how the government could implement positive
changes
Use synonyms
 and why a
change
Use synonyms
 in
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 can make a
change
Use synonyms
. It is generally proven that profit gain is the main
driven
Replace the word
driving
show examples
 factor for habitat loss and a decline in biodiversity.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 mostly big companies that cause the emissions, practise deforestation in the
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
 rainforest and reduce the living space for many animals.
For example
Linking Words
, in
brazil
Capitalize word
Brazil
show examples
 governments could introduce laws against
deforestation
Correct article usage
the deforestation
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 coffee
plantages
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plants
show examples
 and protect the rainforest by preserving the
amazon
Capitalize word
Amazon
show examples
 for more sustainability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, modifications like these are only made to make money from customers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a
change
Use synonyms
 in
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 could
change
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 the outcome of the environment. Obviously, one individual cannot
change
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 much, but if everyone adjusts their
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 a little bit, the shift towards a better future is possible.
For instance
Linking Words
, reducing coffee
consum
Correct your spelling
consumption
 and buying products from
companys
Correct your spelling
companies
 that
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 participate in deforestation can lower habitat loss and restore the climate. In summary, whilst governments around the world can enforce
changes
Use synonyms
, it is not impossible for people to alter environmental damage through small
lifestyle
Use synonyms
changes
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe, if everyone is aware of what their actions can do, we could go a big step towards a brighter future.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but you could strengthen the overall argument by providing more detailed examples and clearer connections between points.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammar and spelling issues, such as 'peoples' (should be 'people's') and 'companys' (should be 'companies'), as these small inaccuracies can affect readability.
task achievement
Elaborate more on how lifestyle changes can collectively have a significant impact on the environment to enhance your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, which is an important requirement of the task.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear opinion stated at the end, which is good for coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable habits
  • eco-friendly products
  • renewable energy sources
  • carbon emissions
  • public transportation
  • energy consumption
  • environmental regulations
  • pollution
  • resource conservation
  • reforestation projects
  • infrastructure development
  • government intervention
  • personal actions
  • large-scale impact
What to do next:
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