IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The picture below shows how a hot balloon works. Summariez the infomation by selecting and reporting the main features.

The picture demonstrates the general structure and floatation function of a hot
air
Use synonyms
balloon
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the function of a hot
balloon
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 consists of 2 steps: rising into the
air
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 and keeping itself afloat. The main part of a hot
balloon
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 is an enormous
envelope
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 with a body made of gores and panels.
While
Linking Words
 there is a parachute valve serving as a self-sealing flap at the top, the bottom part of the
envelope
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 is covered with a skirt which connects the
envelope
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 to a basket by several ropes.
This
Linking Words
 basket contains a burner and a propane cylinder. To make the
balloon
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 fly, a mixture of propane from
propane
Correct article usage
a propane
show examples
 cylinder and the
air
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 is heated with fire to produce
flame
Add an article
a flame
show examples
 in order to fill the hot
air
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 into the
envelope
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. As the hot
air
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 inside is lighter than the cool
air
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 outside, the
balloon
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 flies. In order to adjust and control the height of the flying
balloon
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, the parachute valve is sealed or unsealed to allow hot
air
Use synonyms
 to escape at a controlled rate.

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task achievement
Consider providing a brief summary of the main processes involved in the operation of a hot air balloon in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
You could improve your logical flow by explicitly linking the parts of the balloon to their functions throughout the description.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples related to how the parachute valve functions to enhance clarity.
content
The description of the hot air balloon's structure is clear and informative, showcasing good knowledge of the subject.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphs that address different aspects of the hot air balloon's function.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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