IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagre

The
age
Use synonyms
 of
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 varies from
a
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
 country to another, and so is life expectancy. Many believe that since
people
Use synonyms
 are living longer, the
retiring
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 should be increased
accordingly
Linking Words
. Personally, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. I believe
people
Use synonyms
 should enjoy what is left
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their lives as they wish and not work even longer than they should. In many countries around the globe, Have an
age
Use synonyms
 of
retire
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
. but, mostly it ranges from 60-65 years old. It is a respectable
age
Use synonyms
 to retire and enjoy life with their loved ones or even, pursue another way to gain an income.
therefore
Linking Words
, Many employees
waits
Change the verb form
wait
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patientally
Correct your spelling
patiently
 to do
advensoures
Correct your spelling
adventures
adventure
 stuff and journeys till they reach the retiring
age
Use synonyms
. So they could take risks without affecting their families and their income.
For instance
Linking Words
, Many couples around the world wait till their kids mature
then
Linking Words
 graduate from
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 and have a stable income so they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 stop supporting them financially, So they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 travel and see the world together without
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worry. In my opinion, life is unpredictable and that
what
Add a missing verb
is what
show examples
 makes it exciting and enjoyable.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, If
people
Use synonyms
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 longer after retirement
then
Linking Words
 it is their luck and they are the ones who get to decide what to do next.
People
Use synonyms
 retire for different reasons. whether to start a new business they put off till they could save up for and retire. or, travel the world and cruise with their families and friends, or even,
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just relax and stay at home and live their lives a day at a time. And if
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 did that allows the next generation
contribute
Fix the infinitive
to contribute
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 to society. To
summerize
Correct your spelling
summarize
show examples
.
Rasing
Correct your spelling
Raising
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of retirement just because
people
Use synonyms
 could live longer after retiring without contributing to the communities is unfair to them.

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task achievement
Make sure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic. You could restate the question in your own words and clearly express your agreement or disagreement.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your ideas are logically ordered. Sometimes, your transitions can be smoother to improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Review your work for grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'advensoures' should be 'adventurous', and 'retire' should be 'retirement'. Paying attention to details can significantly enhance the quality of your writing.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, maintaining a consistent stance throughout your essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which helps to illustrate your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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