IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In this task, you are to write an essay on the role of physical exercise in achieving success at college. You will have 30 minutes for the task. You should write at least 120 words but no more than 180 words.

Physical
exercise
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 always plays an important role in achieving success in college. In the following text, I will explain why physical fitness is so important and how it can lead you to a successful life.
To begin
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 with, when we
exercise
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, our body converts energy into dopamine. When we release dopamine—a chemical linked to pleasurable experiences (like the enjoyment people feel when using social media)—
exercise
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 becomes one of the best ways to boost
this
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 chemical. It not only makes you happier but
also
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 significantly improves your health.
Additionally
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, research shows that proper
exercise
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 not only helps improve focus (a rare ability for many) but
also
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 promotes a positive mindset.
Although
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 neither focus nor positivity alone ensures college success, they are essential components of a fulfilling life. In conclusion, physical
exercise
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 has been valued as a virtue since ancient Greek times. People recognized its importance long ago, and we have no reason to abandon it today.

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task response
Your introduction clearly outlines the importance of physical exercise, but consider adding a more specific thesis statement that previews your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The flow of ideas is generally good, but you could improve the transition between the second and third paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task response
You provide some interesting points, but including specific examples or data to support your claims about focus and positivity would strengthen your argument.
task response
The essay effectively conveys the benefits of physical exercise and its historical significance, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear language and maintain a formal tone throughout the essay, which is appropriate for an academic context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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