IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that a person’s criminal record should be removed when they reach the age of 18. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that
ones
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one
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 criminal
record
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 should be removed when they reach the age of 18. I partially disagree with
this
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,
however
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, in
this
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essay
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essay,
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i
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I
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 want to highlight both sides of view. Many believe that underage individuals are still in their development stage, and wrong
behavior
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behaviour
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 should not define their future opportunities. By removing their criminal
record
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, society allows for rehabilitation rather than lifelong stigma.
Furthermore
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, many have the opinion, that young offenders learn from their mistakes, and
this
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 legal amnesty helps them reintegrate into society as law-abiding citizens. It follows the topic of restorative justice, which aims to rather heal than punish. Another perspective is that having a clean
record
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 is essential for underage citizens to gain employment, secure housing, and continue their education. Having a police
record
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 could leave them with limited opportunities and come with the consequences of recidivism into crime.
Nevertheless
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, many think that certain crimes, like violent
offenses
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offences
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, should remain on
record
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 as they could pose a risk
for
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to
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 the community and undermine public safety. In the USA, most prisoners are repeat offenders and go to prison several times. Removing the criminal
record
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 of young adults would mean they could commit
felonys
Correct your spelling
felonies
felony
 on a clean
record
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, which makes them harder to prosecute. To summarize,
while
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 it can be a
a
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apply
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risk to society, to delete
ones
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one's
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 rap sheet, people can
also
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 benefit from it when they stay away from offences and reintegrate into the public. I firmly believe, small crimes like stealing should be eliminated upon turning 18,
while
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 violent crimes should remain on track records to
strenghten
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strengthen
 state security.

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Task Achievement
Clarify your stance in the introduction; make it more specific and assertive. For example, explicitly state which crimes you think should be removed.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially on the benefits of removing records for small crimes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that there is a logical flow between them to enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise the conclusion to clearly restate your position regarding both types of crimes for better emphasis.
Content
You've addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced approach and critical thinking.
Vocabulary
The use of terms like 'rehabilitation' and 'restorative justice' shows an understanding of relevant concepts and adds depth to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • criminal record
  • rehabilitation
  • stigma
  • restorative justice
  • reintegration
  • public safety
  • recidivism
  • legal amnesty
  • young offenders
  • community risk
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