IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Over-reliance on modern technology means that people are failing to learn, or are forgetting many basic skills. To what extent is this true? Are people becoming so reliant on modern technology that they are no longer able to do some things without it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In today`s rapidly changing,
technology
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 has its own place in society. Many
people
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 are
reliance
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reliant
show examples
 and hard to do something fully by themselves. Even
a
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for a
show examples
small task, some
people
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 always
use
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technology
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`s help.
This
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 essay will explore reasons why many
people
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 are
reliance
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reliant
show examples
to
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on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
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.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 feel
does
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not
confidence
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confident
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to
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in
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 their
ability
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abilities
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.
People
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thing
Correct your spelling
think
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 that they must present the best result to the world, they
relize
Correct your spelling
realize
realise
 that
learn
Change the form of the verb
learning
show examples
 is the key that can make them expert.
However
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, learning takes time and they must criticize
about
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apply
show examples
the truth of the knowledge. So, the short way is using
technology
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.
For instance
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, when
student
Add an article
a student
the student
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 in
universty
Correct your spelling
university
 get a task from their lecturer to
make
Verb problem
write
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 an article, they
prefered
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prefer
 to
use
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technology
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 to get background,
method
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methods
show examples
 and
discusion
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discussion
.
Moreover
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,
student
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students
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 not only
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 data but
also
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analyzing
Wrong verb form
analyse
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 it with
the
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apply
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AI.
Secondly
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,
the
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apply
show examples
technology
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give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 what
people
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 need in
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 short time. In the past,
people
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 need time to finish their
task
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tasks
show examples
 and
people
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 should prepare it well.
However
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, in recent
year
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years
show examples
people
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 only open artificial intelligence to finish it.
For example
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, a corporate employee
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use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
 AI to rearrange
report
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reports
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, they only put the data and
than
Replace the word
then
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report
Correct article usage
the report
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 will be created automatically.
Thirdly
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, based on the observation that I took
in
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apply
show examples
last
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 month, there are some teachers who
use
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technology
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 to develop their learning media. It is a good idea to implement
technology
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 in learning, so that
student
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students
show examples
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also
Add a missing verb
are also
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 interested learn
sctivity
Correct your spelling
activity
. In conclusion,
people
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 can not stay away from the
technology
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.
Technology
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give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
benefit
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benefits
show examples
for
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to
show examples
people
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`s living. The important thing is,
people
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 should understand how to
use
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technology
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 well,
thus
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 it will
be bring
Change the verb form
bring
show examples
 many benefits to
people
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Your introduction provides a general idea of the topic, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines what you will discuss. Additionally, ensure your sentences flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
In the body paragraphs, make sure to elaborate more on your main points. You have interesting ideas, but adding more detail and examples would strengthen your argument and enhance clarity.
language
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary. For example, 'many people are reliance' should be 'many people rely on', and 'the technology give what people need' should be 'technology gives what people need'. This will improve the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have identified relevant examples, such as the use of AI in education and in corporate settings, which shows that you are engaging with the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps guide the reader through your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • over-reliance
  • modern technology
  • basic skills
  • arithmetic skills
  • prevalence
  • smartphone apps
  • GPS
  • navigation systems
  • map reading
  • orientation
  • handwriting skills
  • word processors
  • spellcheckers
  • memory retention
  • information recall
  • search engines
  • DIY (Do It Yourself)
  • problem-solving
  • hire professionals
  • tackling issues
What to do next:
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