IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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parents
Use synonyms
 are putting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high
pressure
Use synonyms
 on their sons and daughters to be successful people. In some cases,
this
Linking Words
 happens because they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to achieve a dream, but they cannot or some
parents
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 are affected by others' words. In my opinion, I believe that
this
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 development is a negative development because it leads to
makeing
Correct your spelling
making
children
Use synonyms
failture
Correct your spelling
failure
 and makes them hate their families.
Parents
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 usually force their
children
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 to succeed because when
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 were younger they tried to achieve something but they failed so, they
wish
Wrong verb form
wished
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 that their
children
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 would achieve their own
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
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instead
Linking Words
 of them.
As a result
Linking Words
, they might force their
children
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 to do some things that they do not have a desire to do
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
such
Linking Words
 as a specific type of science or some sport.
For example
Linking Words
, A 2021, survey of people who were working in fields that were unrelated to their university majors,
this
Linking Words
 survey showed that
the a
Choose an article
the
a
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 lot of them
have
Verb problem
were
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 forced to choose these
majors-based
Correct your spelling
majors based
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 on their
parents
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' desires.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some families have a large interest in what society says. So, if they hear that a lot of
children
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 joined
to
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apply
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swimming training they would join their
children
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 there without asking them. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
parents
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 transfer
the
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apply
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society
Change noun form
society's
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pressure
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
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 which can make their relationships bad. From my perspective, it is a negative development because its disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In many cases,
this
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 concept makes
children
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 fail because it shapes
a
Correct article usage
the
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 trauma of success.
As a result
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, they will face difficulties
to get
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in getting
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 jobs or enrolling in universities.
For instance
Linking Words
, if people feel
pressure
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 to be successful in their childhood, when they become older and take their full freedom, they will choose to be in a comfortable zone and do not seek to be successful because they already suffered
of
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from
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this
Linking Words
. In conclusion, some
parents
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 make their
children
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 feel
pressure
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 to get success.
this
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 is
due to
Linking Words
their
Change the pronoun
the
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 previous goals that they did not reach them or the community concepts sometimes constitute stress on
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
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 mindsets which makes
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
pressure
Use synonyms
on
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apply
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their
children
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. I do not support
this
Linking Words
 idea because
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 almost causes failure and some psychological issues.

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coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss in your essay. This helps set the reader’s expectations.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the use of linking words or phrases to better connect your ideas and make the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Some sentences contain inaccuracies; try to ensure that facts and examples are precise. For example, clarify the timing and source of your survey.
task achievement
Be more careful with language use — check for spelling mistakes and grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'makeing' should be 'making' and 'thier' should be 'their'). This will improve your overall score.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a personal opinion, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You provide some relevant examples to support your points, demonstrating an understanding of the complexities of parental pressure.
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