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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows percentage of people in a European country going to cinemas on different days. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows percentage of people in a European country going to cinemas on different days. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar presents
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of people in a European country, attending cinemas on different week’s days for three years. The data is
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
 using percentage points.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that most
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 were going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 on Saturdays.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays were the least favourable days
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the current year. Getting into details, Saturdays were the most popular
day
Use synonyms
 to visit movie
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
 in all years. In 2003, 40
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 were attending
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 on Saturdays, in 2005 it was 45
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
,
similarly
Linking Words
 in 2007 it was 43
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Notably
Add a comma
Notably,
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 Sunday was
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
day
Correct article usage
a day
show examples
 favourable
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people, nearly 35
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
visitor
Fix the agreement mistake
visitors
show examples
were attending
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
 the
cinema
Use synonyms
 that
day
Use synonyms
, in all given years. Friday can be
also
Linking Words
 marked as
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 attendance
day
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
score
Correct article usage
a score
show examples
 of 30
percent
Use synonyms
 each year. On the contemporary, Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays were days with significantly lower scores of visits. In 2003 Mondays scored only 10
percent
Use synonyms
 of attendance. In 2005 the lowest number of
cinema
Use synonyms
 visitors was on Thursdays, only 8
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, 7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of people were going to the
cinema
Use synonyms
 on Wednesdays.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, day, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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