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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people think the internet is a great invention. However there is also a group that believe it creates problems. This essay will outline both advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

The world
today
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 is very different from the past and that includes the
internet
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.
People
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use
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 the
internet
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 everywhere
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work, school, and
home
Change preposition
at home
show examples
. The
internet
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 plays an important role in the world
today
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. Using the
internet
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 in a proper way will help
people
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 in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. The
internet
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 has many good advantages. It is very useful in the world
today
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. First
people
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use
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 the
internet
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 for communication. Some kids communicate with their friends using video games.
Also
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 communicating with their teachers
asking
Correct word choice
and asking
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 about school work. The second great
use
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 is shopping online.
Massive
Correct article usage
A massive
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 amount of
people
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today
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use
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 online websites for shopping and to buy their products
instead
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 of going to the store or the mall. The
internet
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today
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 provides all the needs
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
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.
Also
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, there are many grocery stores online for home supplies.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the
internet
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 can help
people
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 to work online by making their own business
for example
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,
instead
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 of moving from place to place to find a job. The
internet
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 made
this
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 situation easier for
people
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.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 some
people
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 prefer working online.
On the other hand
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, the
internet
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also
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 has some serious disadvantages. Using the
internet
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 for long hours can be a waste of time.
Today
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 some
people
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 spend their time on video games or watching
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 shows more than normal,
this
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will affect
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
people
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 negatively.
Also
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, there are hackers on the
internet
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 which might be dangerous to
internet
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 users. Sending some links by messages or email as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ad and when
people
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 enter their
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 get totally hacked.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the
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Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
internet
Add a comma
internet,
show examples
people
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 might meet bad
people
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 and that's common. The
internet
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 contains billions of users and personalities.
Also
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 in video
games
Add a comma
games,
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 there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of bad
people
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 using bad language and that will
affect
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the children. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is very helpful and useful for
people
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 and it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 their lives easier in many things.
However
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, the
internet
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also
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 has many disadvantages that
people
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 should try to avoid.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states your stance on the internet's advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to enhance coherence between ideas and paragraphs (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Conversely').
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and sentence structure. For instance, ensure subject-verb agreement and correct tense usage for a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
You covered both advantages and disadvantages of the internet, which is essential for a balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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