IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The scientist believes that computers will become more intelligent than human beings. Some people find it is a positive while others think it is a negative development. Discuss both points and give your own opinion

There is no doubt in the belief system of
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 that computers will be more analytical and precise than human beings there are adverse and beneficial effects of it. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 there are more benefits of technological advancement as long as it does not harm human beings and
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 in proper control of humans.
For instance
Linking Words
, if we consider the medical
feild
Correct your spelling
field
,
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
show examples
 surgical
insturments
Correct your spelling
instruments
 are being used where more accuracy is required and it is safe to consider human error are more
while
Linking Words
being-pressure
Correct your spelling
being pressure
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. At the same time, technical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 do not feel tired and restless which makes them more reliable than humans
while
Linking Words
 restless surgeons or medical staff
leans
Correct subject-verb agreement
lean
show examples
 towards
Correct article usage
a negetive
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negetive approch
Correct your spelling
negative approach
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
field
feild
Add a comma
feild,
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 it is safe to say,
with
Correct word choice
that with
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 proper care and technique there are far more benefits even
being
Verb problem
making
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 computers more intelligent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we need more
maintance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of these devices and regular testing as they do not have emotions and feelings, so they do what is in their programming irrespective of damages done
while
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 there is some malfunction
occur
Wrong verb form
occurring
show examples
 in their operations.
Additionally
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, with more devices in
use
Add a comma
use,
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 people will be losing more
job
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jobs
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 which will be a huge impact on our society.
Overall
Linking Words
, with extraordinary technology as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to human analytical
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 some
feild
Correct your spelling
fields
 will
benfit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 us,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, we will be more
dependant
Replace the word
dependent
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 on
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and less need
of
Change preposition
for
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 manpower. Skilled
resouces
Correct your spelling
resources
 will be more in use as
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to human labour. So in my point of view, as long as we are in control we will have more benefits
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 technology being
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
smarter
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 us.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer and provide a more straightforward thesis statement that summarizes your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and structure to improve the logical flow of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammatical errors and typos to enhance clarity; for example, 'feild' should be 'field', and 'negetive' should be 'negative'.
task achievement
Elaborate a bit more on each point to ensure that your examples support your arguments effectively and are fully explained.
task achievement
You have introduced both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to discussing the topic.
task achievement
You presented some relevant examples, particularly in the medical field, which adds credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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