IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Long distance flight consumes the amount of fuel that a car uses for many years and pollutes the air. Some people think that we should discourage non-essential flights, such as tourists travel, rather than limit the use of cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is claimed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that for long travel, air planes
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 more quantity of fuel
as
Change preposition
than
show examples
 cars
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many years which causes air pollution. That's why they are suggesting
to ban
Change the verb form
banning
show examples
un-neccessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 travel like visiting
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
Change the noun form
tourist
show examples
 places
instead
Linking Words
 of
baning
Correct your spelling
banning
show examples
 cars. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, which I will explain in the upcoming paragraphs. The first reason for my disagreement is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 will impact the local
people
Use synonyms
. Many
peope
Correct your spelling
people
 are surviving because of
tourisms
Fix the agreement mistake
tourism
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, Rajasthan is a place in India, where every year
people
Use synonyms
came
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 from different countries to explore the monuments and history. During their visit hotels, taxis and
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 all remain full-booked. But if the tourists
will stopped
Wrong verb form
stop
show examples
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their jobs, there will be unemployment and it will be hard for
people
Use synonyms
 to survive without
emloyment
Correct your spelling
employment
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, It will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the whole economy. When
people
Use synonyms
 visit from another country they bring their
nations
Replace the word
national
show examples
 currency and
exhange
Correct your spelling
exchange
 the money.
This
Linking Words
 exchange rate
maintain
Change the verb form
maintains
show examples
 the inflow and outflow of money. But if there will be lew foreigners in domestic places. It will reduce the value
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 currency for that particular place.
Such
Linking Words
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
COVID-19,
The indian rupees value
Change to a genitive case
The indian rupee's value
show examples
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased
due to
Linking Words
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
travllers
Correct your spelling
travellers
.
Thus
Linking Words
, the value of money
direclty
Correct your spelling
directly
 effect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
inflation and deflation. In essence,
people
Use synonyms
 are in favour
to ban
Change preposition
of banning
show examples
un-essential
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
show examples
 travel by
planes
Fix the agreement mistake
plane
show examples
 owing to the pollution it
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 in
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of
baning
Correct your spelling
banning
show examples
 the
tourisms
Fix the agreement mistake
tourism
show examples
, the government should help airliness
to introduce
Change preposition
by introducing
show examples
 bio-fuel consumed planes.
This
Linking Words
 might be a good step to reduce pollution.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly outlines your main argument. You might consider rephrasing it to be more direct and assertive.
coherence
Work on the structure of your body paragraphs to ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Each reason could benefit from a stronger introductory sentence.
coherence
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and spelling, as well as punctuation. For instance, 'air planes' should be 'airplanes', and 'un-neccessary' should be 'unnecessary'.
coherence
Try to use more linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas and paragraphs. This can enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which is essential for a strong argument.
coherence
The topic is clearly stated in the introduction, allowing the reader to understand the subject matter right away.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon emissions
  • climate change
  • air pollution
  • sustainable future
  • carbon footprint
  • regulating
  • passenger transportation
  • virtual tourism
  • domestic economies
  • equitable climate policies
  • non-essential flights
  • tourism-related travel
  • environmental crisis
  • long-distance travel
  • pollution levels
What to do next:
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