IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough on learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, it is very hard for everyone to spend
time
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to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 theoretical
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 rather
than
Correct word choice
and
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 they have more interest in performing tasks.
Hence
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, many people believe teaching facts to children from
lower
Add an article
the lower
a lower
show examples
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of education to their graduation
level
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, takes a lot of
time
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whereas
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 for performing skills, they
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
 have enough
time
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.
However
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, my views
are
Verb problem
apply
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strongly
opposing
Wrong verb form
oppose
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this
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 statement which I will discuss in upcoming paragraphs.
Initially
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, when children are in primary to secondary classes, they have good grasping power but are unaware of which career path they should choose. So, it is good to teach them all
facts
Correct article usage
the facts
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 regarding every stream like science, engineering and so on.
This
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 could help students to know themselves deeply and in future, they can easily opt
their
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for their
show examples
 careers.
This
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 theoretical knowledge can help
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to know all subjects very nicely and before going to university they will be aware
in
Change preposition
of
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 which subjects they
are
Verb problem
have
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 having good command
and
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of and
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 will choose
that
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Hence
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, they will score more in
further
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 studies and be
sucessfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in their career.
However
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, when students are moved to universities they are fully prepared to choose the course
according to
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 their interest. At
this
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level
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, they gain more practical knowledge
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on the course they choose.
For instance
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, learners who choose to become
doctor
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doctors
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 or
developer
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developers
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spend more
time
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in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
performing the tasks as they need more practice.
Apart from
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this
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, co-op courses
also
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 help them to test their knowledge practically which
also
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boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
show examples
 their confidence in their field.
To conclude
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, spending
time
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 on learning facts
doesnot
Correct your spelling
does not
doesn't
 depend on the
level
Use synonyms
 of education rather it is more
according to
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 the interest a student has in the field.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging and clear. Try rephrasing the thesis statement for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure logical transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
Task Achievement
Expand on the examples, especially regarding how practical skills enhance job readiness. This can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
You show a good understanding of the different educational stages and their relevance to theoretical vs practical learning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay structure is clear, with a defined introduction, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Factual knowledge
  • Practical skills
  • Traditional curricula
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving
  • Communication
  • Collaboration
  • Adaptable skills
  • Educational reform
  • Project-based learning
  • Internships
  • Real-world scenarios
  • Vocational training
  • Theoretical knowledge
  • Holistic educational experience
What to do next:
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