IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that there should be a law to ban young people under 18 to go out after the midnight, others think it should not be. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

According to
Linking Words
 some individuals, young people should not be allowed to go out past
midnight
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 some think they should do so. Let's delve into both aspects before giving a personal opinion about
this
Linking Words
. To start with, youngsters should stay back at their house after
midnight
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 as they are immature and easy to get influenced by the
things
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 happening around them which can be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own safety and crowd around them. The
major number
Replace the word
majority
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 of high school kids get attracted to the
things
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 done by the elderly people, as the
things
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 are new for them and
eye catching
Add a hyphen
eye-catching
show examples
. So, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
calculating the conclusion of their actions, they choose to do that stuff in the name of adventure and getting exposure which can be detrimental for them. Now coming to the point that they should go out and get the exposure. There are some
things
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 in life which a person can not learn until or unless they have not experienced it in real life.
Also
Linking Words
, taking yourself out without any restriction builds
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 confidence to be
self- reliable
Correct your spelling
self-reliable
show examples
as well as
Linking Words
 to protect yourself. What is more, it gives you multiple opportunities to make decisions and to choose the best out of all. In my opinion, young youth should stay home after
midnight
Use synonyms
 as
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age they are in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 protective shelter of
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 elders and they have not faced the harsh reality of the world directly yet. They need security until they are
not
Rephrase
apply
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fully ready to protect themselves from different problems. To keep them safe and for
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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future
Add a comma
future,
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 they do need some rules to implement in their life.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there should be some rules and regulations which
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
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 that under 18 people are restricted outside after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
midnight
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 as pros took over the edge of cons.

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task achievement
Try to expand your points with more supporting details or examples to enhance the strength of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next and maintains a clear focus throughout.
general
Pay attention to grammar and spelling, especially with common words, which can detract from your overall score.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and establishes the context for discussion, which is a great start.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced perspective, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ban
  • curfew
  • underage
  • risk-taking behavior
  • personal freedoms
  • independence
  • structure
  • discipline
  • parental control
  • rebellious behavior
  • social interactions
  • safety concerns
  • decision-making skills
  • negative influences
  • trust
What to do next:
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