IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work in different organization. Discuss both views and give your opinion

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, some
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
show examples
 that
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in different
Use synonyms
organization
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
show examples
 is better
to get
Change preposition
for getting
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new
circumtances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 than
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in the same
organization
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 whole life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 before I give my perspective.
Body paragraph 1
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in the same
organization
Use synonyms
 will give long-term
benefits
Use synonyms
, they will be a senior
employee
Use synonyms
 if stand still in one
organization
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 and of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 get
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary.
Moreover
Linking Words
, staying with the same
company
Use synonyms
 allows
Use synonyms
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 to gain their ability in skills and deep
knowledge
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. Experiences will give opportunities to build
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with colleagues and other
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand,
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in different
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 could give
another
Replace the adjective
another benefit
other benefits
show examples
benefits
Use synonyms
,
employee
Use synonyms
 obtain
network
Use synonyms
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to
expend
Correct your spelling
expand
show examples
 their
professional
Change the word
professionally
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 day
network
Use synonyms
 is something important to enhance
employee
Use synonyms
 ability and prevent stagnation in
knowledge
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
network
Add an article
the network
show examples
 could give worldwide
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 and gain
employee
Use synonyms
 potential.
Use synonyms
Employee
Fix the agreement mistake
Employees
show examples
 who switch
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 could compare
benefits
Use synonyms
 and choose which
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
companies
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
give them
comfortable
Correct word choice
more comfort
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to another
company
Use synonyms
 to get better
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 is a choice that
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 can
choose
Verb problem
make
show examples
. Many
benefits
Use synonyms
 that
emlpoyee
Correct your spelling
employee
employees
 obtain
to change
Change preposition
from changing
show examples
work
Use synonyms
place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
 namely, have spread
network
Use synonyms
,
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhanced
show examples
 skills,
get
Verb problem
acquiring
show examples
 new
knowledge
Use synonyms
, and big
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
employee
Use synonyms
 experiences would
be develop
Change the verb form
be developed
show examples
 and could be
provition
Correct your spelling
provision
 for the future.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both
work
Use synonyms
 in the same
company
Use synonyms
 or
work
Use synonyms
 in different
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 gives many
benefits
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, to get
Correct article usage
an advance
show examples
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 career could be better to change
atmosphere
Add an article
the atmosphere
show examples
 and spread
Use synonyms
network
Correct article usage
the network
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
improve
Change the verb form
improving
show examples
 ability in the same place,
Use synonyms
employee
Add an article
the employee
an employee
show examples
 could choose another
work
Use synonyms
 environment to gain their
knowledge
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion and summarizing the main points that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as personal experiences or well-known cases. This will add depth to your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect your ideas and paragraphs, helping the reader follow your logic more easily.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your sentences are grammatically correct and free of spelling errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Task Achievement
You have successfully presented both views and articulated a personal opinion, which is essential for this type of essay.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and discusses relevant topics such as benefits of long-term employment and networking opportunities.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Job security
  • Long-term employment
  • Career advancement
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Company culture
  • Promotions
  • Institutional knowledge
  • Work environment
  • Diverse experience
  • Adaptability
  • Career opportunities
  • Networking
  • Earnings potential
  • Stagnation
  • Job satisfaction
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