IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People are more aware of fashion nowadays and it continues to be a huge business, with a lot of advertising involved and millions of dollars of being paid to models. Discuss whether this is a good or bad trend. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Fashion
Use synonyms
to be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 one of the
important
Correct quantifier usage
most important
show examples
 things
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
, it
also
Linking Words
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
marketing
Correct article usage
the marketing
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
textile
Fix the agreement mistake
textiles
show examples
 through social media advertising.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss whether
fashion
Use synonyms
 is a good or
worst
Correct word choice
bad
show examples
 trend with
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 opinion support.
Body paragraph 1
There are some reasons, why
fashion
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 common
Linking Words
this day
Correct your spelling
today
show examples
,
firstly
Linking Words
,
fashion
Use synonyms
 can be
self expression
Add a hyphen
self-expression
show examples
 and show
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
identity.
People
Use synonyms
 could show their
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
 in
fashion
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 the variety of styles produced by the
textile
Use synonyms
 industry.
Moreover
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, it
support
Change the verb form
supports
show examples
 positive
competitive
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 from many
textile
Use synonyms
 factories.
Secondly
Linking Words
, many
fashions
Use synonyms
 with
cheap
Correct word choice
low
show examples
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 make
people
Use synonyms
 interested
to mix
Change preposition
in mixing
show examples
 and
match
Wrong verb form
matching
show examples
 their
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 both for formal and informal events.
Marketplace
Fix the agreement mistake
Marketplaces
show examples
 provide many
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
fashions
Fix the agreement mistake
fashion
show examples
 with low
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 many online stores sell one set
clothes
Change preposition
of clothes
show examples
with student
Replace the word
at a high
show examples
 price.
In addition
Linking Words
, even
it
Correct word choice
though it
show examples
 sells
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
cheap
Add an article
a cheap
show examples
 price
however
Linking Words
, the style
follow
Change the verb form
follows
show examples
 modern
trending
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
another
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
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, there are
also
Linking Words
 drawbacks,
firstly
Linking Words
, it changes
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 perspective
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
 beauty.
Due to
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 social media
shows
Wrong verb form
showing
show examples
variety
Add an article
a variety
the variety
show examples
 of
fashions
Use synonyms
,
people
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 make their own
conclusion
Fix the agreement mistake
conclusions
show examples
 about
criteria
Correct article usage
the criteria
show examples
 of beauty.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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 there is a
statemnet
Correct your spelling
statement
 that beauty is
branded
Correct article usage
a branded
show examples
 item,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 can
make
Verb problem
create
show examples
 a new issue in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society about
fashion
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, pollution from the
textile
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 factory production
bigger
Add a missing verb
is bigger
show examples
 than before. It can
influnece
Correct your spelling
influence
 the fresh air and
Add a missing verb
be unhealty
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unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
 for our lungs.
Conclusion
In sum,
fashion
Use synonyms
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 benefits and
also
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
drawbacks, as a member of society we should be wise to face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any issues
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
day
Correct your spelling
today
show examples
. In my opinion,
fashion
Use synonyms
 has
change
Change the verb form
changed
show examples
 recently and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 chance to society to express themself. The opportunity for
people
Use synonyms
 to mix and match with many
style
Change to a plural noun
styles
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
fashions
Fix the agreement mistake
fashion
show examples
 to be the symbol of freedom.

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language
Ensure proper subject-verb agreement and use phrases accurately (e.g., 'fashion is one of the important things nowadays').
content
Expand on points made in the body paragraphs for clarity and depth. For example, delve deeper into how fashion can serve as self-expression with specific examples or anecdotes.
language
Correct spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'spesific' should be 'specific', 'worst' should be 'bad', 'influnece' should be 'influence').
cohesion
Improve transitions between ideas for better coherence (e.g., using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'however' more effectively).
content
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the complexities involved with fashion.
content
You provide relevant examples of fast fashion and its impact on society and the environment, which adds depth to your arguments.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-expression
  • identity
  • advertising
  • economic impact
  • job creation
  • sustainable fashion
  • consumer behavior
  • perception
  • realistic standards
  • environmental concerns
  • textile waste
  • pollution
  • cultural appropriation
  • diversity
  • marketing strategies
  • fashion industry
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