IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Today
parents1
Correct your spelling
parents
 are demanding more from their
children
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 so that
children
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 can succeed in
life
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. A large number of reasons made
parents
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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put
this
Linking Words
pressure
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 on their own boys and girls, the main
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
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resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in
this
Linking Words
 demand
from
Change preposition
apply
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the is
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
desire2
Correct your spelling
desire
 to observe their sons and daughters have a good
life
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, and be proud of their own
children
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.
Although
Linking Words
 there are some negative points
rose
Verb problem
arising
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 from
this
Linking Words
development
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, it is in general a positive
development
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 for the
society3
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society
 and the
country
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons that led
parents
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 to put a lot of
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to succeed, and present my own point of view which
tend4
Correct your spelling
tends
 to believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a positive
development
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
parents
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 are
implementing
Verb problem
putting
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 huge
pressure
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 on their
children
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 because they want them to have a great
life
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. People today could live
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 life5 by succeeding in their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 so that they can have a good occupation or
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a lucrative business, and succeeding in
Add an article
the study
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 will not occur without
pressure
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 from
parents
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thus
Linking Words
,
children
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 will succeed.
In addition
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, if
children
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 succeed in their own
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will make their
parents
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 proud of them, because their sons and daughters will not require any financial assistance from
any one
Correct your spelling
anyone
show examples
,
therefore
Linking Words
, they will be proud of them. To illustrate, a recent study shows that 80% form the individuals that have a good
life
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 today had a lot of
pressure
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 from their
parents
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.
Secondly
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,
although
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 there are some disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
development
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 like not all
children
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 can handle a lot of
pressure
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, I believe it is a positive thing.
This
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 is because if people succeed in their
life
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 many benefits will occur for the
country
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, developing the economy by
increaseing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 the number of successful businesses in the
country
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 which will lead to attracting
foregin
Correct your spelling
foreign
 investments is an example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 these benefits.6 In conclusion,
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parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
 desire to watch their
children
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a good
life
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 and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 proud of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 the main reasons for
this
Linking Words
development
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.
While
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 developing the economy so that the
country
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 can attract
forgin
Correct your spelling
foreign
forging
 companies to invest in their land, it is the main point that made
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 positive.

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coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using clearer topic sentences and connecting them better to the overall argument.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations and examples to support your points more comprehensively.
task achievement
Good attempt to discuss both sides of the argument and express your own point of view.
task achievement
The essay covers relevant points about parental pressure and its implications.
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